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I'm devilish fond of music.--When in town

I often go (most country people do)
To hear the public singers of renown,

The 'witching Stephens, and the young Carew.
The former lady I prefer, I own-

But I'm no critic-Lozell, what say you?


I only wish the manager, next year,
In Ascot Race-week would bring both down here.


N.B. I wish it to be understood.

That I mean no oblique insinuation,
Against the present most melodious mood

Of our serene Etonian population.
Golightly's concerts are extremely good

Though worthy Martin Sterling's condemnation
Of those immodest melodies from Moore,
Is very right and proper, I am sure.


Quo Musa tendis ?-What a long digression

From the calm tenour of your way you've made;
You'd best make haste and re-obtain possession.

Or you'll provoke the reader, I'm afraid.
I hear him now, in a tremendous passion,

Exclaiming, “Curse you for a prosy jade !”
But this same metre loves to be digressive,
The plan's convenient-the effect excessive.


HON. G. MONTGOMERY (raving with inspiration.)
Now to my theme--the wintry storms are sleeping,

The stars are floating through the cloudless sky,
And Heaven and Earth, a breathless silence keeping,

Repose in beautiful serenity :

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While playful Dian, through my window peeping,

Attracts, in silence, my enraptured eye
To where her amorous radiance sleeps, below,
On the white bosom of the virgin snow. *

"Tis sweet on this most solemn scene to gaze-

There is deep beauty in a winter night

"Tis sweeter far to see the coal-fire blaze,

Flinging its warm and comfortable light
On the wide circle, while around it plays

The passing jest,


And oh! with what delight,
When the brain flags, our craving stomachs hail
Fat oysters !

Whiskey punch!!-


And humming ale !!!


People may talk as warmly as they please

Of true love's joys—they can't compare with this.
Gerard and Fred may prate, upon their knees,
About the raptures of a lady's kiss-

I never kiss young ladies--joys like these-

Don't suit the notions that I've form’d of bliss :
I'm but a simple, tasteless, sensual sinner-
Give me a good, substantial, Christmas dinner.

* I cannot conceive how a person of Mr. Montgomery's known veracity could be guilty of such a tissue of falsehoods as are comprised in this stanza. At the time when it was uttered, there was no snow on the ground, and no moon above the horizon; and if there had been, she could not well have made her way through the Christopher window-shutters. The fact is, Mr. Montgomery was half-seas over at the moment.

R. H.

All hail ! thou Monarch of the smiling board,

Majestic TURKEY, thus I bow before thee
In humblest supplication-mighty Lord !

Most dainty victor!-thus I do adore thee.
All hail! the forc'd-meat balls with which thou’rt stored,

All hail! the sausage fetters steaming o’er thee!
Hail! sweet-bread sauce, on which my soul is gloating!
All hail! the gravy-flood in which thou’rt floating.

Hail! ye inferior, yet delightful dishes,

O’er which, in trance extatic, roves my eye!
Ye savoury fowls, ye most alluring fishes,

Thou brandy, flashing in the burnt mince-pie!
In you are centred all my earthly wishes,

'Midst you, methinks, 'twere happiness to die!
Hail! cod and oyster-sauce !-quail !--partridge !-bustard !--
Lobster !--plumb-pudding !-apple-pie !-and custard !

No more-no more-I've fifty more to mention,

But I'll omit them for the reader's sake,
Yet to pass thee would merit reprehension,

Thou best and biggest, most beloved plumb-cake!
I understand it is the King's intention *

A most superb one for Twelfth Night to bake;
Therefore, my Muse, repress thine ill-timed haste,
I'll not describe it till I know its taste.


Well, then, adieu until again we meet,

A merry Christmas, gallants, to you all !
Gay be your pleasures, and your slumbers sweet,

Fair be the feast, and brilliant be the ball;
But don't forget th? ETONIAN-I repeat

This maxim--for its wisdom is not small,
Hunt, drink, shoot, dance; be merry while you may,
But write like devils on a rainy day.

* Marvel not, reader, that the King of Clubs should make twelfth-cake at Christmas, Did not the Queen of Hearts make tarts at Midsummer?

“ The Queen of Hearts
She made some tarts,

All on a summer day."-R. H.


-« Nil fuit unquam Tam dispar sibi."-HoR.

The Treatise on the Practical Bathos which appeared in our first Number, and which we have the vanity to hope is not entirely blotted out from the recollection of our readers, was intended as the first of a series of Dissertations, in which we design to apply the beauties of the figures of the Grammarians to the purposes of real life. We are very strongly tempted to pursue this design, when we reflect upon the advantages which have already been the result of the abovementioned Treatise. We are assured, from the most indisputable authority, that the number of the specimens of that most admirable figure exhibited by our schoolfellows in the exercises of the ensuing week was without precedent in the Annals of Etonian Literature. We have no doubt but those apt scholars who have soʻreadily profited by our recommendation of the Bathos, as far as regards Composition, will, at no very distant period, make the same use of this inestimable figure in the regulation of their Disposition. But it is time to quit this topic, and to enter upon the second of our proposed series ; "a Treatise on the Practical Asyndeton.".

First, then, as in duty and in gallantry bound, we must construe this hard word. The figure Asyndeton, in Grammar, is that by which conjunctions are omitted, and an unconnected appearance given to the sentence, which is frequently inexpressibly beautiful. Who is there of our rising orators who has not glowed with all the inspiration of a Roman, when Fancy echoes in his ears the brief, the unconnected, and energetic thunders of the Consul, Abiit, excessit, evasit, erupit?" What reader of Tragedy does not sympathize with the Orosmane of Voltaire, when, upon the receipt of the billet from Zayre, his anxiety bursts out in those beautifully unconnected expressions, i :

"Donne !-qui la porte donne !” The use of connecting particles in either of these cases would have ruined every thing. They would have destroyed the majesty of Cicero, and reduced to the level of an every-day Novelist the simple tenderness of Orosmane. ::

The use of this figure, however, is not confined to particular sentences or expressions. It sometimes pervades the five Acts of what is miscalled a Regular Drama, or spreads an uncertain transparent gleam over the otherwise insupportable sameness of some inexplicable Epic. Numberless are the writers who have been indebted to its assistance ; but our own, our immortal countryman, Shakspeare, preserves an undisputed station at the head of the List. Fettered by no imitation, but the imitation of Nature ;, bound down to no rules but the vivid conceptions of an untutored, self-working Genius,—he hurries us from place to place with the velocity of a torrent; we appear to be carried on by a rushing stream, which conveys our boat so rapidly in its eddies, that we pass through a thousand scenes, and are unable to observe for a moment the abruptness with which the changes are effected.

Our modern Farce-writers have, with laudable emulation, followed the example of this great master of the Stage ; but, as in their use of this figure they possess the audacity without the Genius of the Bard they imitate, they cannot prevent us from perceiving the frequent Asyndeton in place, in plot, or in character. The beauty of the countries to which they introduce us is not such as to withdraw us from the contemplation of the outrageously miraculous manner in which we were transported to


We have delayed the reader quite long enough with this preliminary discussion, and will now enter at once upon our main subject;—the Asyndeton in Life. · We should imagine that few of our readers are ignorant of the charms of novelty; few have lived through their boyhood and their youth without experiencing the disgust which a too frequent repetition of the same pleasure infallibly produces. There is in Novelty a charm, the want of which no other qualification can in any degree compensate. The most studied viands for the gratification of the appetite please us when first we enjoy them, but the enjoyment becomes tasteless by repetition, and the “ Crambe repetitâ of satiety provokes nausea instead of exciting desire. Thus it is in other and weightier matters. The pleasures which we first devoured with avidity lose much of their relish when they recur a second time, and are mere gall and wormwood to us when their sweets have become familiar to our taste. A common everyday character, although its possessor may enjoy abundance of worth and good sense, makes no impression on our minds ; but the novelty of capricious Beauty or uncultivated Genius finds a sure road to our hearts.

This is something too long for a digression; but novelty is a very pretty theme, and must be our excuse. We will return forthwith to our subject.

Since novelty then has so much weight in influencing the judgment, or at least the prejudices of mankind, it is right that this most desirable qualification should not be neglected by young persons on their debut upon the stage of life ; we must be masters VOL. I.


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