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The Newspapers have taken much notice of us; more, I think, than they do of some of our betters. I may enumerate The Sun, The Guardian, The New Times, and divers provincial prints, among those which have illuminated the world. with extracts. The British Stage * has reviewed us very favourably; to say the truth, the Editor has made a mistake or two, but I shall not enumerate them, as I understand Peregrine has desired him to correct them in his ensuing Number. The Club is much obliged to The British Stage.
Talking of the Stage, I must remark upon a scandalous misapprehension which has gone abroad upon the subject of my individual person in its official capacity. Have you not seen in the puffs in the papers, and the puffs in the bills, that the prologue at the Lyceum is spoken by the “Knave of Clubs?” Now I believe this is a device to draw an audience; yet it is hy too many believed that I myself, Richard Hodgson, Kpave of Clubs, Secretary, have degraded myself to the limit of a stage-player, and come forward (“ Proh Jupiter !") with “ A Prologue on the Posy of a Ring!” I avow, under my hand, that I am sitting, at half-past ten, in a cell 7 feet by 0, scribbling egotism, which is not written to please those whom it will not please. And here is a Bill which gives me a special retainer to the Opera House! I shudder at the age in which I live! Have I senses ? Am I man? Will these gentlemen be contented with giving me two capacities, or am I like Captain Absolute, three people at once ?
But I must trespass on your attention no longer; for indeed our delay in the appearance of this Number has so overburthened us with contributions that we can only spare six pages for our Club Report.
MEETING OF THE CLUB. The Club met pursuant to notice, and Mr. COURTENAY took the Chair. Discontent appeared prevalent among the Members, and there was reason to apprehend that the revolutionary spirit which has of late breathed out its malignant fury against greater Potentates, had pervaded the subjects of his Majesty of Clubs. The names were called over, the punch was prepared, and the storm arose.
Reader, have you ever seen a bull fastened to a stake and goaded to madness by bipeds and quadrupeds innumerable? Have you ever seen a milliner tormented by the queries of twenty boarding-school Misses, and rated for the late arrival of the new Bonnet, or the new Body? Finally, have you ever seen Lord Castlereagh opposing himself a single, and a ready respondent to the interrogatories of countless Oppositionists, who present themselves in horrible succession, as if the line would “stretch out to the crack of doom?" If
you have seen these things, you may perhaps form some idea of the rapidity with which questions upon questions were poured out upon Mr. Courtenay-all of them relating to a point upon which many of our readers are doubtless as inquisitive. I am sorry that I am forbidden to gratify their curiosity.
Mr. COURTENAY rose to reply. He moved, as a preliminary stipuJation, that the Secretary be directed not to publish the proceedings which ensued: accordingly I laid down my pen. In the explanation which followed, high words took place; and Martin Sterling had great difficulty in calming the turbulent animosities of some of the Members. The enraged contributors more than once threw up their pens, and the enraged Editor more than once threw up his office. Finally, when preparing to lay down his sceptre and quit the room, Mr. Courtenay, like the Speaker of King Charles's Parliament, was held forcibly in his chair, while certain measures were agreed upon; which -but I shall offend and besides, Reader, I can tell you no more, for I fell asleep.
* N.B. The British Stage may stand in lien of The British Review at the conclusion of No. Ill; as the latter Publication has charitably let us alope.
How long the discussion lasted I know not. I was roused by a cry of “Report, Report;" and, on awaking, found Mr. Courtenay on his legs, descanting, with all his pristine good-humour, on the merits of No. IV.-I immediately resumed my pen.
“Gentlemen,” said Mr.COURTE- fellows, and conversed with cenNAY, “you will find in our Fourth sors less partial to us than those of Number an attempt to substitute a Eton College, I have been so surlittle serious, and I trust profitable prised by the favour which has matter for a portion of the puns been extended to us, that it would and little witticisms, which have look like vanity were I to dwell perhaps occupied too large a space upon it longer. of our preceding efforts. I hope I have to inform you, that a Rethat even the least serious of our print of our First Number has been readers will not find fault with called for, and provided, with the this concession made to gravity addition of My Brother's and good sense, in consequence of Grave.” A separate edition of the advice of our seniors and our that beautiful poem has been superiors. In the mean time they printed for the accommodation of may rest assured that our atten- our former purchasers. It was tion will never be directed exclu- written in the year 1818, not sively to serious and moral topics; 1820, as the date would infer. I am conscious, and I believe our The mistake was that of the comreaders are conscious, that “ The positor. ETONIAN " must amuse before he The delay of one month in our can pretend to instruct.
publication has considerably overIt is useless for me to repeat my stocked us with matter; and congratulations to you upon the although our Number will be found subject of the success of our Third unusually crowded, we must still Number. Indeed, since I have rely on the indulgence of many mixed with older critics than are friends for the noninsertion of to be found among our school- their favours.--(Ilear, hear.)
THANKS OF THE CLUB. The thanks of the Club were then unanimously voted to the contributors to our present Number ;-also to the authors of the following Articles, which will shortly appear The Bride Cake. Somnia Montgomeriana, Nos. I. II. III. IV. V. VI. VII. The Sabbath.
The Two Hunch-Backs.
The thanks of the Club were voted to the Authors of 6 Sentiment, and “Bashfulness and Impudence," which have hardly sufficient “ Finish” for insertion.
Mr. Courtenay stated that as a fragment by X. C., inserted in the Scrap-Book, had been much admired, the verses would be printed entire in No. V.
Mr. COURTENAY moved the thanks of the Club to Gerard Montgomery, the support and ornament of " The Etonian ” both in Prose and Poetry. Mr. Courtenay begged, that, when he thanked the Hon. Gentleman most cordially for his zeal in the cause, he might not be considered as a party to the sentiments expressed in the Essays on Wordsworth and Coleridge,~sentiments in some of which he confessed he by no means coincided. --GERARD briefly returned thanks.
GOLIGHTLY'S FROLICSOME PROPOSAL. Mr. Golightly rose and said a few words to the following effect :
66 Gentlemen,-I perceive that read to the meeting some one of there is still lurking about us a the numerous articles which every certain degree of coldness and ill- one of us has in preparation, and will, which it ought to be our en- that every individual do continue deavour to subdue. Since busi- on his legs as long as the Club ness appears for the present to be think fit, and resume his seat when at a stand, I propose that each our unanimous voices shall cry member present shall proceed to Hold, enough!"
The proposal was agreed to. Now, Reader, in the detail which it is my duty to give you, you will think that I am rather recounting the drunken orgies of Bacchanalians than the meeting of a sober and well regulated Club. Indeed this has been the impression on the public mind ever since " The Etonian” made his appearance. I must correct the mistake. We assume at our meetings the fun, the frolic, the frivolity of inebriety,—and allow me to assure you it is only assumed. Eton is not the drunken spot which some have supposed it to be. Look through its list for 1820; and, when you find the name of Patrick O'Connor, draw a line under it ;--you will then have under-scored the only regular slave to the bottle in Eton--and not till then.
VON NICKERNEUCHT'S PHILOSOPHICAL RESIGNATION.
To proceed. Mr. COURTENAY, as in duty bound, set the example by a recitation of the following extract from a communication entitled, “ Real Facts, descriptive of the Characters of the Wild Americans :"
“ Captain Von Nickerneucht, a philosopher, than knocked down in his forty-ninth year, after en- one's throat like a fool.” Next; during all the hardships of fighting whereas the deceased had been and philosophy, hot blows and deprived of his scalp when he was cold meals, almost from his cradle; left for dead by the hostile tribe after studying all tongues, visiting of the Mogasees, the Captain all lands, and
getting wounds in all must of course bow to necessity services,—was taken prisoner by here also. “ After all,” said he, a tribe of Indians in a skirmish on 66 it is better to take off the exthe banks of the Ohio. He was ternals of the head, after the manimmediately presented to an old ner of the Mogasees, than poison Lady of high rank, as a substitute the internals with apophthegms, for her son, who had fallen; and and theories,and speculations, after it was notified to him, that in order the manner of the Philologists. to qualify himself to be a repre. Finally ; whereas the deceased sentative of the Hero, he must weighed but seven stone, and the submit to certain disagreeable Captain was large of bone, it was operations. First; whereas the de- necessary to bleed him to a certain ceased Wastchinotkow, which sig- weight.“ After all,” said the nifies the Great Bear," had been Captain, “ it is better to be bled unfortunate in the loss of his by a warm-hearted Chakapow teeth, the Captain must submit to Indian than by a hot-headed Paa similar deprivation. Well,” risian duellist.” What a Stoic said he, “ I swallowed three in a resignation! He died like a phidrunken bout; and after all, it is losopher, for the bleeding killed better to have them extracted like him—"after all."-(Hear, hear.)
LE BLANC TURNED POET, Mr. ALLEN LE BLANC burst out, to our astonishment, in the following strain :
“ I stood beside the Moon !! and there I watch'd,
And I beheld
FLATTERY AND PLAIN-SPEAKING. Here the Hon. Gentleman was stopped, and Mr. O'Connoe proposed that he should be fined for talking Greek. Mr. Oakley and Mr. Lozell began to recite their respective essays on “Flattery" and “ Plain-speaking ” together, so that I could but catch a sentence of each alternately." I say that Flattery is” “ a rough and insolent way of speaking" “ which always denotes a servile and an ” “unyielding mind." “ The Flatterer is always one who” “takes no pains whatever to made himself agreeable or pleasing : civility on the contrary” will always say to a thief, thief,' and to a fool, 'fool.”». Mr. O'Connor here drowned the voices of the combatants by a Greek song, which will be inserted with a smart new type in No.V.
HODGSON AT A NE PLUS ULTRA. The spirits of the meeting were so exhilarated by the song and the singer, that it was impossible to curb them. A kind of discord arose of which I could carry away no idea. Every member was haranguing upon some favourite subject with such excessive earnestness that even the punch-bowl was neglected. I could not the next morning arrange in the smallest degree my notes of what passed; and therefore the reader must be content with my rough draft of the conversation.
6 Were I to journey to Kamschatka~I would join the South Americans : how can they fail when they are fighting for their own homes, when their country's liberty is at stake~When bread has fallen, SirPrince Leboo-Arrah! Sandy, it may do in your country-Mr. O'Connor, ye'll gar me gie ye an-Order, order— Every body must study economy; nobody can get at the product without working the sumFill Sir Thomas's glass
'Though lightnings roar above me,
While witheringly I rove,
And a heart for those I love.' -Bravo-very well! I shall open my treatise by a few general remarks on the visual nerves.My Great Grandfather wore a wig-I am often absorbed in fits of mental abstraction, from which nothing can relieve me but this one remedy-A pig's head with a lemon in his mouth--The Stocks gradually rising-I detest the Stocks : Looney Mac-Mulligan had his ancles broke by 'em-Metaphysics, Gentlemen-Theology-Mr. Burton has discovered the Longitude.- Where will you find a more glorious character than our Wellington ?-Peter Bell—The Five Bills, Mr. Sterling-Nonsense, Wentworth, how can the Five Bills do any injury to-The Prosperity of the Etonian!Silence-Bumpers!”
Here the PRESIDENT, finding his office of no effect, left the Chair without putting the question of adjournment. Sir F. WENTWORTH made some political strictures upon his precedents for so doing; for which he would have been fined if the Chairman had been in his place. The exuberant spirits of the Meeting soon after subsided, and they returned to their “ narrow dwellings. (Signed) RICHARD HODGSON,