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Jan. 20.-Returned to my court at Eton, and was glad to shake hands with the Members of the Club. Mem. Mindful of Cantabrigian hospitality, I must give orders that upon the Clubtable, on Feast-days, be placed a Pig's head with a lemon in his mouth. A brave accompaniment for our Punch-bowl.

Again I am fixed in this abode of early. Talent and rising Patriotism. Again I seem to see the shades of my ancestors haunting these classic groves and smiling on the labours of their successors : again I feel the glow of hope, and the throb of emulation : again I look with enthusiasm on this “school-boy spot;" and every pulse within me beats a proud emotion as I reflect that I am an Etonian! Hail to the slumbers that refresh, to the studies that amuse, to the pleasures that delight; hail to the Spirits * that swim within our Punch-bowl ; hail to the Spirits that'sit in merriment around it.

Jan. 23.- Received from a Trinity Correspondent a letter written at the close of the late examination. Our readers will be amused with the following extract :

“ Dear COURTENAY,—'Tis now night; the skies are hung
With small bright stars innumerable, that seem
Heaven's eyelets, looking stilly down on man
And man's vain tumults. Many a studious head,
Its labour o'er and learn'd encounters, now
Rests on the pillow, that for many a day
Had toil'd from thorny premises t extract,
By alchemy of subtlest argument,
Conclusions fair and smooth; had chas’d, thro’ wilds
Of algebra, the shy retiring forms
Of x and z; or rung the mystic change
On notions and ideas, words and things,
And idol forms Baconian; or discours’d
Of angles plane, and ratios duplicate,
Inventions strange, and figures multiform,
Circle, and square, and shapely trine ; or, arm’d
By Paley, with the social compact waged
Relentless war. Myself the while-

W. Jan. 26.-Received a letter from Robigo.—We trust our antiquarian will permit us to take a few liberties with his communication ; and are in hopes to find a place for it in No. VI. This excusé must likewise serve several other much-honoured correspondents, as our press of matter renders it impossible to give that speedy insertion to every contribution which we could desire.

Jan. 27.-The Club met. I must refer my readers to the Secretary's account for particulars, and conclude No. IV. with

* N.B. Those who_object to our conviviality must have recourse to the theory that spirits are ideal.

“ HOW TO RHYME FOR LOVE." At the last hour of Fannia's rout, “ Let the glad cymbals loudly clash, When Dukes walk'd in, and lamps went Full bumpers let's be quaffi og ! out,

No poet I!-Hip! hip!-here goes!Fair Chloe sat : a sighing crowd

Blow-blow the trumpet, blow the Of high adorers round her bow'd, Here he was puzzled for a rhyme, And ever Flattery's incense rose

And Lucy whisper'd “ nose in time, To lull the Idol to repose.

And so they fell a-laughing. Sudden some Gnome, that stood unseen, “ Gods ! ” cried a Minister of State, Or lurk'd disguis'd in mortal mien, “ You know not, Empress of my Fate, Whisper'd in Beauty's trembling ear, How long my passion would endure, The word of bondage and of fear- If passion were a Sinecure; “Marriage "-her lips their silence But since, in Love's despotic clime, broke,

Fondness is tard, and pays in rhyme; And smild on Vapid as they spoke- Glad to retire, I shun disgrace, “ I hate a drunkard, or a lout,

And make my bow, and quit my place." I hate the sullens and the gout;

And thus the jest went circling round, If e'er I wed-let danglers know it,- And ladies smild and sneer'd, I wed with no one--but a poet.

As smooth Fourteen, and weak Fourscore, And who but feels a Poet's fire

Professid they ne'er had rhym'd before; When Chloe's smiles, as now, inspire ? And Drunkards blush'd, and Doctors Who can the bidden verse refuse,

swore, When Chloe is his theme and Muse ?' And Soldiers own'd they fear'd :

Thus Flattery whisper'd round; Unwonted Muses were invok'd And straight the humorous fancy grew, By Pugilists and Whips ; That lyres are sweet, when hearts are And many a Belle look'd half provok'd, true;

When favour'd Swaips stood dumb and And all who feel a lover's flame

chok'd ; Must rhyme to-night on Chloe's name; And Warblers whin'd, and Punsters And he's unworthy of the Dame,

jok’d, Who silent here is found.

And Dandies bit their lips : Since Head must plead the cause of At last an old Ecclesiastic, Heart,

That look'd half kind, and half sarcastic, Some put their trust in answer smart, And seem'd, in every transient look, Or pointed repartee;

At once to flatter and rebuke, Some joy that they have hoarded up Cut off the sport with “ Psha! enough;" Those Genii of the jovial cup,

And then took breath, and then-took Chorus, and Catch, and Glee. And, for one Evening, all prepare “ Chloe!” he said, “ you're like the To be “ Apollo's chiefest care.

Moon! Then Vapid rose10 Stentor this, You shine as bright, you change as soon; And his no Homer's lay

Your wit is like the Moon's fair beam, Meek victim of Antithesis,

In borrow'd light 'tis o'er us thrown; He sigh’d, and died away :

Yet, like the Moon's, that sparkling “ Despair my sorrowing bosom rives,

stream And anguish on me lies;

To careless eyes appears your own: Chloe may die, while Vapid lives, Your cheek by turns is pale and red; Or live while Vapid dies !

And then (to close the simile, You smile!-the horrid vision flies, From which, methinks, you turn your And Hope this promise gives;

head, I cannot live while Chloe dies,

As half in anger, half in glee, Nor die while Chloe lives!

Dark would the night appear without Next Snaffle, foe to tears and sadness,

youDrew fire from Chloe's eyes;

And-twenty fools have rhym'd about And, warm with drunkenness and mad

you." ness, He started for the prize.

spuff;

THE

ETONIAN.

N. V.

The King of Clubs.

Jovis, 226 die Februarii, 1891. The Club having met, and all preliminaries being disposed of, Mr. COURTENAY proceeded, as usual, to describe to us the reception of our last Number. But upon this point, in order to avoid the charge of paffing, which has been brought against us, I was desired to hold my tongue. I had a great mind, out of pure spite, to write down, that No. IV. was a failure, and that our writers were falling off, and our repute decreasing. But every one would know that these things are false.

Mr. Courtenay concluded amidst loud applause, which rather increased than diminished when Mr. OAKLEY rose to reply. After the usual number of items from the Hon. Member, and the usual quantum of endeavours on the part of the President to procure silence, Mr. Oakley began :

MR. OAKLEY'S CENSURE OF N°. IV. “SIR,-You have told us that our - but I hold in my hand a great work is still successful; our writers many letters, bearing testimony to still improving; our readers still the fact. First, here is one from indulgent. To each, and to all a Collegian, who has found “a of these assertions, I answer, marvellous stupid paper on the “No! no! no!"-( Laughter.)- Asyndēton!" Next, here is one I maintain that our work is grow. signed “ Lucilla," complaining of ing dull, our writers growing idle, the number of pages we devote and our readers growing severe. to Ladies, and love, and nonsense. I am not one of those who bring Next, here is one from " Levitas," forward charges without evidence who begs me to inform Mr. Sterto support them.-(Hear, from ling, that no one wishes, of exSir F. Wentworth.)-I am pre- pects, to read. Sermons from the pared to argue in bebalf of all pen of a Schoolboy. Next, here these accusations.

is an epistle from “ Joseph TreFirst, Sir, I affirm the work is batius,” who wishes to know how growing dull. I will not address it concerns “ The Etonian,” whemyself to your own judgments, ther the Critics clapper-claw because prejudice and absurdity, Wordsworth, or Wordsworth clap---(loud cries of Order; in the per-claws the Critics. Next comes midst of which Mr. Sterling rose, an admonition from a Winchester and appealed forcibly to the Chair,) friend, who is sure we shall never bear a good name in the world, witty, the satirical, the amusing as long as we continue to murder -(hear, from Mr. Golightly)his Founder's. Next, here are a has not spoken a word, or written few lines of censure from “ Leo- a line, since Miss Harrison connora," who is thunderstruck at our verted his Song into threadignorance of court etiquette, papers. 66 What! the Ladies dressed in Next, Sir, our readers, I said, leno, and kissing his Majesty's are growing severe. I shall, very hand! Mon Dieu !” Next, here shortly, be able to demonstrate are the opinions of “Isaac Muckle- this, by-(here the Hon. Gentlethrift,” who deposes that the work man was stopped for some time is twice as long as it ought to be. by disapprobation.)-I shall first Finally, here is, in propria per support my assertion by reading sona, “ Michael Oakley,” who is to you a letter from a Gentleman, convinced-(here the voice of the who"- (Order, order.) Hon. Gentleman was thoroughly Mr. Oakley produced a long drowned.)

letter, which he endeavoured to Next, Sir, I affirmed that our read. The disapprobation contiwriters are growing idle. There nuing, Mr. Oakley returned the is Mr.Lozell fast asleep-("true," letter to the inside-pocket of his from Mr. Lozell.)—Mr. Le Blanc, brown great-coat. The Secretary to my certain knowledge, took all caught a glimpse of the signature, his irons out of the fire, the mo- which began with 66 Metius,” but ment his “ Essay on the Bituminous whether the next word were “TarQuality of Coals” went into it.- pa," signifying accuracy, or “TalMartin Sterling, I am credibly pa," signifying blindness, Mr. informed, made a resolution to Secretary was unable to ascertain. give up writing, when his “ Ad- Mr. STERLING then rose, and said, dress to the Whigs” was burnt by that the Members of the Club had mistake with the bundle of old heard themselves calumniated, Couriers.-Sir F. Wentworth has without offering any interruption, been in dudgeon, ever since Go- but that they really could not sit lightly stole his “ Ode to the still to listen to abuse of their Queen,” from the President's box, friends. Mr. Oakley accordingly and sent it to the Old Times ; and sat down.” Golightly himself, the gay, the

Mr. COURTENAY then rose to reply :

“ I do not intend, Gentlemen, The Collegian, who writes about to trespass on your time, by going the Asyndēton, has, I hope, more through all the arguments which regard for the quality of Es says, the Hon. Gentleman has brought than he has for the quantity of forward; because the censures Syllables. I can only say, that I which he quotes light upon trivial hope he is not an Etonian. Lublemishes, and have no reference cilla's strictures we must allow to to the general merits of the work.” be just, if she will also concede --(Mr. Oakley here vociferated in that Ladies and Love, and Nongreat wrath, Perhaps the Pre- sense, are synonymous. Leonora's sident will tell me that my head has remarks have really astonished me. no reference to my shoulders.")- Can she suppose that his Majesty

own

of Clubs, sitting on his own throne candidate for admission into the
(an arm chair of five feet high) King of Clubs; upon whom we
wielding his own sceptre (a goose- may repose some part of our bur-
quill covered with the concretion thens."-(Hear, hear, hear.)
of the last month's ink),

and sur-
I have to apologize to you,

Genrounded by his guards, tlemen, and to the other support(writers, readers, compositors, and ers of 66 The Etonian” for the devils,) is bound or influenced by postponement of several articles the regulations of the court of any which were intended for insertion, Heathen or Christian Prince or but which a miscalculation in the Potentate? Indeed it is in con- printing compelled me to omit. templation, that, upon the next Among them are 6 An Essay on grand ceremony the court-dress is the writings of James Montgoto be a Quire of wire-wove; and mery ;” Tancred and Sigismun" The Etonian,” Vol. I. is to be da;” and “ The Serenade.” laid on the footstool, that the vi- I have now only to inform you sitors may salute, pot his Majesty's that the first Volume of “ The hand, but the works of it.” (Hear, Etonian" will be completed with heur, hear.)

the Fifth Number; and that an 6 Mr. Oakley," continued the Index and Title will be prepared President, “ imagines that our for the accommodation of those writers are growing idle. He will who wish to have their copies therefore be equally glad with my- bound.-(Hear, hear.) self to hear that we have a new

1

VIOLATION OF RESOLUTION X. Mr. STERLING, after moving that Resolution X. be read, suggested to the President that “ Girolamo and Sylvestra,” inserted in No. IV., came within the restriction there laid upon all Translations.

Sir F. WENTWORTH inquired whether Mr. S. were not intended for the Church?

Mr. STERLING replied in the affirmative.

Sir F. WENTWOrth recommended to the Honourable Gentleman not to be the first to object to Translations.

Mr. STERLING said, that being a Churchman, and also a Member of the Club, he had no more objection to Translations than he had to Bishops ; but he thought there was a proper time and place for both. He did not like to see “ The Etonian” professing one thing and doing another.

Sir F. WENTWORTH disliked inconsistency as much as his Hon. Friend; he wished all persons in all places did the same.-(Order.)

Mr. CourtENAY observed, that the Resolution just read was intended to guard our schoolfellows against schoolboy versions of the Classics ; the originals of which were every day in their hands. He had not scrupled to break through its provisions in behalf of an Article which would have, with the majority of their readers, all the graces of an Original.

Mr. COUBTENAY proceeded to read to the Club several

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