Jan. 20.-Returned to my court at Eton, and was glad to shake hands with the Members of the Club. Mem. Mindful of Cantabrigian hospitality, I must give orders that upon the Clubtable, on Feast-days, be placed a Pig's head with a lemon in his mouth. A brave accompaniment for our Punch-bowl. Again I am fixed in this abode of early Talent and rising Patriotism. Again I seem to see the shades of my ancestors haunting these classic groves and smiling on the labours of their successors: again I feel the glow of hope, and the throb of emulation: again I look with enthusiasm on this "school-boy spot;" and every pulse within me beats a proud emotion as I reflect that I am an Etonian! Hail to the slumbers that refresh, to the studies that amuse, to the pleasures that delight; hail to the Spirits that swim within our Punch-bowl; hail to the Spirits that sit in merriment around it. Jan. 23.-Received from a Trinity Correspondent a letter written at the close of the late examination. Our readers will be amused with the following extract :— "DEAR COURTENAY, 'Tis now night; the skies are hung With small bright stars innumerable, that seem Heaven's eyelets, looking stilly down on man And man's vain tumults. Many a studious head, Conclusions fair and smooth; had chas'd, thro' wilds Ofx and z; or rung the mystic change W. Jan. 26.-Received a letter from Robigo.-We trust our antiquarian will permit us to take a few liberties with his communication; and are in hopes to find a place for it in No. VI. This excuse must likewise serve several other much-honoured correspondents, as our press of matter renders it impossible to give that speedy insertion to every contribution which we could desire. Jan. 27.-The Club met. I must refer my readers to the Secretary's account for particulars, and conclude No. IV. with *N. B. Those who object to our conviviality must have recourse to the theory that spirits are ideal. "HOW TO RHYME FOR LOVE." At the last hour of Fannia's rout, When Dukes walk'd in, and lamps went out, Fair Chloe sat: a sighing crowd And smil'd on Vapid as they spoke,- And who but feels a Poet's fire When Chloe's smiles, as now, inspire? Who can the bidden verse refuse, When Chloe is his theme and Muse?' Thus Flattery whisper'd round; And straight the humorous fancy grew, That lyres are sweet, when hearts are true; And all who feel a lover's flame Must rhyme to-night on Chloe's name; Who silent here is found. Since Head must plead the cause of Heart, Some put their trust in answer smart, Or pointed repartee; Some joy that they have hoarded up Chorus, and Catch, and Glee. And his no Homer's lay- Or live while Vapid dies! Nor die while Chloe lives!" And, warm with drunkenness and mad ness, He started for the prize. "Let the glad cymbals loudly clash, Full bumpers let's be quaffing! But since, in Love's despotic clime, And ladies smil'd and sneer'd, And Soldiers own'd they fear'd: Unwonted Muses were invok'd By Pugilists and Whips; And many a Belle look'd half provok'd, When favour'd Swains stood dumb and chok'd; And Warblers whin'd, and Punsters jok'd, And Dandies bit their lips: At last an old Ecclesiastic, That look'd half kind, and half sarcastic, "Chloe!" he said, "you're like the Moon! You shine as bright, you change as soon; Your wit is like the Moon's fair beam, In borrow'd light 'tis o'er us thrown; Yet, like the Moon's, that sparkling stream To careless eyes appears your own: Your cheek by turns is pale and red; And then (to close the simile, From which, methinks, you turn your head, As half in anger, half in glee,)— Dark would the night appear without you And-twenty fools have rhym'd about you."; THE ETONIAN. The King of Clubs. Jovis, 220 die Februari, 1821. THE Club having met, and all preliminaries being disposed of, Mr. COURTENAY proceeded, as usual, to describe to us the reception of our last Number. But upon this point, in order to avoid the charge of puffing, which has been brought against us, I was desired to hold my tongue. I had a great mind, out of pure spite, to write down, that No. IV. was a failure, and that our writers were falling off, and our repute decreasing. But every one would know that these things are false. Mr. Courtenay concluded amidst loud applause, which rather increased than diminished when Mr. OAKLEY rose to reply. After the usual number of items from the Hon. Member, and the usual quantum of endeavours on the part of the President to procure silence, Mr. Oakley began :— MR. OAKLEY'S CENSURE OF No. IV. "SIR,-You have told us that our work is still successful; our writers still improving; our readers still indulgent. To each, and to all of these assertions, I answer, "No! no! no!"-(Laughter.)I maintain that our work is growing dull, our writers growing idle, and our readers growing severe. I am not one of those who bring forward charges without evidence to support them.-(Hear, from Sir F. Wentworth.)-I am prepared to argue in behalf of all these accusations. First, Sir, I affirm the work is growing dull. I will not address myself to your own judgments, because prejudice and absurdity, -(loud cries of Order; in the midst of which Mr. Sterling rose, and appealed forcibly to the Chair,) —but I hold in my hand a great many letters, bearing testimony to the fact. First, here is one from a Collegian, who has found "a marvellous stupid paper on the Asyndeton!" Next, here is one signed "Lucilla," complaining of the number of pages we devote to Ladies, and love, and nonsense. Next, here is one from "Levitas," who begs me to inform Mr. Sterling, that no one wishes, or expects, to read Sermons from the pen of a Schoolboy. Next, here is an epistle from "Joseph Trebatius," who wishes to know how it concerns "The Etonian," whether the Critics clapper-claw Wordsworth, or Wordsworth clapper-claws the Critics. Next comes an admonition from a Winchester friend, who is sure we shall never bear a good name in the world, witty, the satirical, the amusing (hear, from Mr. Golightly)— has not spoken a word, or written a line, since Miss Harrison converted his Song into threadpapers. Next, Sir, our readers, I said, are growing severe. I shall, very shortly, be able to demonstrate this, by-(here the Hon. Gentleman was stopped for some time by disapprobation.)-I shall first support my assertion by reading to you a letter from a Gentleman, who"-(Order, order.) Mr. Oakley produced a long letter, which he endeavoured to read. The disapprobation continuing, Mr. Oakley returned the letter to the inside-pocket of his brown great-coat. The Secretary caught a glimpse of the signature, which began with "Metius," but whether the next word were "Tarpa," signifying accuracy, or "Talpa," signifying blindness, Mr. Secretary was unable to ascertain. Mr. STERLING then rose, and said, that the Members of the Club had heard themselves calumniated, without offering any interruption, but that they really could not sit still to listen to abuse of their friends. Mr. Oakley accordingly sat down." Next, Sir, I affirmed that our writers are growing idle. There is Mr.Lozell fast asleep-("true," from Mr. Lozell.)-Mr. Le Blanc, to my certain knowledge, took all his irons out of the fire, the moment his "Essay on the Bituminous Quality of Coals" went into it. Martin Sterling, I am credibly informed, made a resolution to give up writing, when his "Address to the Whigs" was burnt by mistake with the bundle of old Couriers.-Sir F. Wentworth has been in dudgeon, ever since Golightly stole his "Ode to the Queen," from the President's box, and sent it to the Old Times; and Golightly himself, the gay, the Mr. COURTENAY then rose to reply:"I do not intend, Gentlemen, to trespass on your time, by going through all the arguments which the Hon. Gentleman has brought forward; because the censures which he quotes light upon trivial blemishes, and have no reference to the general merits of the work." -(Mr. Oakley here vociferated in great wrath, "Perhaps the President will tell me that my head has no reference to my shoulders.")— The Collegian, who writes about the Asyndeton, has, I hope, more regard for the quality of Es says, than he has for the quantity of Syllables. I can only say, that I hope he is not an Etonian. Lucilla's strictures we must allow to be just, if she will also concede that Ladies and Love, and Nonsense, are synonymous. Leonora's remarks have really astonished me. Can she suppose that his Majesty of Clubs, sitting on his own throne (an arm chair of five feet high) wielding his own sceptre (a goosequill covered with the concretion of the last month's ink), and surrounded by his own guards, (writers, readers, compositors, and devils,) is bound or influenced by the regulations of the court of any Heathen or Christian Prince or Potentate? Indeed it is in contemplation, that, upon the next grand ceremony the court-dress is to be a Quire of wire-wove; and "The Etonian," Vol. I. is to be laid on the footstool, that the visitors may salute, not his Majesty's hand, but the works of it." (Hear, hear, hear.) candidate for admission into the King of Clubs; upon whom we may repose some part of our burthens." (Hear, hear, hear.) I have to apologize to you, Gentlemen, and to the other supporters of "The Etonian" for the postponement of several articles which were intended for insertion, but which a miscalculation in the printing compelled me to omit. Among them are An Essay on the writings of James Montgomery;" "Tancred and Sigismunda ;" and "The Serenade." VIOLATION OF RESOLUTION X. Mr. STERLING, after moving that Resolution X. be read, suggested to the President that "Girolamo and Sylvestra," inserted in No. IV., came within the restriction there laid upon all Translations. Sir F. WENTWORTH inquired whether Mr. S. were not intended for the Church? Mr. STERLING replied in the affirmative. Sir F. WENTWORTH recommended to the Honourable Gentleman not to be the first to object to Translations. Mr. STERLING said, that being a Churchman, and also a Member of the Club, he had no more objection to Translations than he had to Bishops; but he thought there was a proper time and place for both. He did not like to see "The Etonian" professing one thing and doing another. Sir F. WENTWORTH disliked inconsistency as much as his Hon. Friend; he wished all persons in all places did the same.-(Order.) Mr. COURTENAY observed, that the Resolution just read was intended to guard our school fellows against schoolboy versions of the Classics; the originals of which were every day in their hands. had not scrupled to break through its provisions in behalf of an Article which would have, with the majority of their readers, all the graces of an Original. Mr. COURTENAY proceeded to read to the Club several He |