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The PRESIDENT informed the Club, that having completed their retrospect of No. I., he would invite them to look forward to their
“These, Gentlemen,” he continued, “ wear indeed the most flattering appearance. You will remember that the Prose in No. I. was the production of pens totally unaccustomed to such composition ; these, Gentlemen, may certainly be expected to acquire greater facility of expression as they proceed. We are sure of the support of our equals, as long as we continue to amuse. When this shall cease to be the case, the Etonian will cease to write: it will not be my wish to send our papers into the world in opposition to the wish and opinion of the majority of our schoolfellows.—(Cheers.)—But, gentlemen, I have no reason for apprehending such a termination to our efforts; I have every foundation for a contrary expectation; and, what is perhaps more to the purpose, our good friend and publisher, Mr. Charles Knight, is even more sanguine than myself. I will now read to you a variety of compositions which have been sent to “The Etonian' by Gentlemen, not Members of the Club.”
Mr. Courtenay proceeded to read several Articles, of which it is needless to give a minute account. Suffice it to say that the following were deemed by the Club inadmissible ; and that the thanks of the Meeting were voted to the authors for their kind support, although at present it is not in our power to avail ourselves of it :-“Tacitus,”—“Q.S.D.”—“Edward De Brent,”— “Basha of Three Tails,”—“ Looney M'Twolter,”—“ News from Nottingham,” (humbly suspected to be fictitious),-“ Seraphina Timms,"_"A Clod,”—“T.”_" Patentee of an Improvement in Lamps,"~" Virga and Virgil, a Parallel,”—“A Marine,”_"R. N.”—“A Lame Duck,”—“Lucian Junior,”—“ But Indifferent,”—“A Chaise and Pair.”
The Members of the Club were then requested to give in a list of what articles they had in preparation or contemplation, and the Secretary was ordered to publish the said list, in order that the public may see what entertainment they have to expect from our future Numbers.
ARTICLES IN PREPARATION. . An Essay on the Advantage of having only One Eye; to be illustrated and confirmed by the invariable practice of great Conquerors, Hannibal, Philip, John Zisca, Lord Nelson, Aurelian, &c. Mr. Martin Sterling's Admonitory Hints on Theme Composition. Mr. Oakley's Objections to Other Men's Wit. Treatise on Blarney, by Mr. Patrick O'Connor. Mr. Golightly on Hair-dressing; with a Eulogium on Mr. John Smith. Meditations on Mutton; by W. Rowley.-" The Beef of to-morrow will succeed to the Mutton of to-day, as the Mutton of to-day succeeded to the Beef of yesterday.”—Canning.
On Mr. Wordsworth's Poetry in a General Sense; by the Honourable G. Montgomery.
On his Theory and Manner; by Mr. A. Le Blanc.
Inconvenience of a Sympathetic Heart; from the Hon. G. Montgomery.
Mr. Golightly's Review of the Present State of Cricketing at Eton, with some Cursory Remarks on our Contest with Harrow.
Foot-ball; a Sketch.
THANKS OF THE CLUB. The PRESIDENT then rose to propose a Vote of Thanks to the Honourable GERARD MONTGOMERY for the active and able part which he had taken in the execution of the Second Number of “ The Etonian.” Mr. COURTENAX prefaced his motion by a high and well-merited eulogium upon the two articles which had been contributed by his Honourable Friend.
“ The Essay on Wordsworth,” said Mr. CourtenAY, “is a powerful attempt to counteract the effects of a groundless prejudice against one of the first poets of the day. Wordsworth, whose glowing genius and intense feeling his most severe critics cannot but allow, has been too long å stranger to the bookshelves of Etonians. We may be allowed to hope that the efforts of my Honourable Friend will induce our schoolfellows to read before they ridicule. I feel convinced that “The Etonian' will have strong claims upon the gratitude of his readers, although the only service he renders to them should be the introduction of Wordsworth to their acquaintance.-(Loud cries of hear, hear.) It is needless, as it would be endless, for me to enlarge at present upon the merits of Godiva. Before our next meeting takes place, the voice of our schoolfellows will have bestowed upon this composition an encomium far more gratifying to its author than any thanks or approbation from the lips of Peregrine Courtenay."-(Hear, hear, hear.)
The Hon. G. MONTGOMERY returned thanks in an eloquent speech, which, for the sake of brevity, we are obliged to omit. He congratulated the Club
on its reasonable prospect of success, and concluded by assuring the Presi, dent that he was mistaken in the last words of his flattering speech, and that the wish he entertained for Mr. Courtenay's approbation was much higher than Mr. Courtenay himself seemed ready to believe.
The thanks of the Club were also voted, upon the motion, of Mr. Courtenay
To Mr. Golightly, for his. “ Account of the Windsor Ball,” and bis “Solitude in a Crowd.”
To Mr. Matthew Swinburne, for his “ Description of the Miseries of the Christmas Holidays.” To S.D. for his “ Ode on Despair.”
The thanks of the Club were finally given to all who write, speak, or think, in favour of “ The Etonian.”
ALARMING DISCOVERY. Mr. COURTENAY then rose, and addressed the Meeting in the following manner :
“ Gentlemen,-While we are upon the subject of a vote of thanks to our numerous and obliging supporters, I feel it my duty to bring forward a topic upon which I am sure you, in common with myself, will look with the deepest anxiety.-(A dead silence every one seemed wrapt up in expectar tion.) - Gentlemen, there is among the enemies of our Institution a terrible, a nefarious conspiracy to blow up the “. King of Clubs”-(A burst of horrox on all sides.)-Yes, Gentlemen, I repeat, a conspiracy utterly to.exterminate the 'King of Clubs. We have within these few days witnessed the rejoicings made on the anniversary of that day, when a grievous plot was laid for the destruction of the King of England. Alas! we have now to contem, plate a plot almost as detestable for the destruction of the King of Clubs. You will ask me for proofs of this dark transaction !--the imprudence of our enemies has furnished them. As if they were certain of success in this atrocious villainy, they have anticipated the accomplishment of their purpose, and have already caused it to be believed that our Institution is no more; that the King of Clubs exists not.--(A start of surprise from all the Members.) Yes! they have dared to assert that in the land of the living we have no station—that the Members of this Society are shades. Shades ! Gentlemen! Can one who lives, who driņks, who writes, be a Shade? Is the humble individual who has now the honour of addressing you, a mere shade? Are you not all substantial beings ? Are you not all equally plain flesh and blood with myself?-(Loud cries of yes, yes, equally.)-Then, Gentlemen, what can be more flagitious than the machinations of these designing persons, who argue against the existence of a body of young men, who not only perform with propriety the usual functions of human nature, but have just sent into the world an undeniable proof of their health and safety in the pages of “The Etonian ??-(Loud cries of hear, hear.)-This brings me to another point, which it is necessary to impress most firmly on your consideration. These secret destroyers, not content with arguing us out of our existence, have already disposed of our property. They have bestowed those little hoards, which we have deposited in The Etonian’ with so much care and anxiety, upon other gentlemen, who never were or will be Members of the King of Clubs. It shocks me, Gentlemen, to see the trifling riches we have collected thus openly taken from us : it shocks me to behold the Treasury of the King of Clubs publicly plundered, that the wealth of it may be bestowed upon Messrs. DURNFORD, OUTRAM, ASHLEY, Trower, Curzon, BEALES, PRAED, and others, with whom the King of Clubs has no connexion whatever-(Low murmurs of indignation.)–After the unequivocal assertion we have made of our sole right to the property in dispute, I cannot but look upon this appropriation as a most degrading and flagitious attempt. Whether the gentlemen, whose names I have mentioned, are parties to the iniquitous transaction I know not. If they have any feeling of honour, any obligation of principle, let them come forward to disavow any right or claim to that which is exclusively the property of the King of Clubs.”—(Loud cheers.)
The PRESIDENT having concluded, I, even I, RICHARD HODGSON, Knave of Clubs, Secretary, albeit unused to the study of oratory, did essay to speak; for, indeed, my honour had been attacked, and the distinction which was conferred upon me by the voice of the Club, had been taken away, and insidiously bestowed upon another. Grieved at heart, I could not keep silence, and in truth I was much applauded when I spoke as is here set down :
“ Most Worthy Gentlemen,- It is impossible for me to heighten the effect of the President's discourse; howbeit, one circumstance hath escaped his recollection: our designing enemies have taken from us our honours as well as our wealth–I allude most particularly to mine own case. Me they have despoiled of the rank to which you have exalted me, and they have bestowed it unjustly upon the Gentleman whose name was last mentioned by the worthy Chairman. I have no doubt that when the claims of that Gentleman are duly considered, it will be found that he does in no respect deserve the title which has been given to him. I pray you to aver publicly, that Richard Hodgson, your humble Secretary, has the only just claim to the title of Knave of Clubs.”
The PRESIDENT said, he hoped what had passed would have the effect of securing to the Club the undisturbed possession of their property and distinctions.-(Hear, hear.)
The Thanks of the Club, on the motion of the Hon. G. Montgomery, were presented to Mr. Courtenay, for his conduct in the Chair-for his attention on all occasions to the interest of Eton, and the ability he had displayed in the management of “ THE ETONIAN.” Mr. COURTENAY returned thanks in a neat speech. The Meeting then adjourned.
Knave of Clubs, Secretary. .
Notice is hereby given, that his Majesty the King of Clubs has signified his gracious intention of holding a Drawing Room on Monday the 27th Inst,
TO RICHARD HODGSON,
Knave of Clubs, Secretary. MY DEAR KNAVE,-Great geniuses are subject from their very nature to ebbs and flows of inspiration. Milton and Dryden, during the best half of every year, could never rise higher than to Essays on Divorce, Prefaces, Translations, and English Grammars. Just so it is with me at present; and I, your appointed Laureat, after having put in practice every mean I ever heard of for creating verses, as biting the nails, scratching the head, &c., have absolutely effected nothing, saving six lines and a half of a Sonnet to Mary, and the joke of an Epigram without any beginning. The very truth of it is, I am at low water mark; and accordingly, actuated, as I am, by the purest patriotism for our Club and its bantling, I resign my mantle of poetry for this Number to other bards less affected by weather* than myself; though I claim it as my right, virtute officii, that you make them understand, that, like the Cæsars of the Empire, they are bound, if their verses be good, to refer all their credit and success to the auspicious influence of Gerard Montgomery, their Augustus.
Having doffed, therefore, my mantle of Poetry, I sit clothed in my short coat of Criticism, after the universal example of modern Poets, who rarely send forth a volume of verses without associating it with another in prose, to prove the said verses to be the best that were ever written. Not that I am going to waste a sheet and an hour in proving my poems such, for that would be superAuous : but what from the vehement desire I have of venting my spleen against Golightly and M‘Farlane, who cannot endure the writings of the Poets nicknamed the Lake School, (whether nat'ĚŠoxýv, or directly, is a doubt,) and what from my own long and constant admiration of them, I have determined to devote this my interlunar page to a short and popular elucidation of the genius of the most eminent among the said poets, William Wordsworth; Allan le Blanc having engaged to furnish, if called for, a full and complete account of the more mysterious and esoteric department of his metaphysics.
I have just before said that these persons had been nicknamed a School of Poets; and I said so, because, if we understand by that term what we do when talking of the Schools of Plato or Raffaelle, it is to all intents and purposes a misnomer. Every one knows that in schools of philosophy and painting the precepts and the manner are scrupulously obeyed and imitated; and when any striking aberration from that standard has occurred, the author of such separation has ever been considered the founder of
* We are happy to perceive that the recent change of weather has induced the Hon. G. Montgomery to change his mind.-Vide Godiva.-P. C. VOL, I.