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which George Syms appeared to be

“Mind what they read in godly books, taking a part that did not at all meet her approbation. Accordingly she

And not take people by their looks ;" arose, and throwing her garments for they would not be pleased to be about her, with a degree of elegant judged in that manner themselves; negligence, for which the ladies of and the poor fellows in question have, Stockwell have long been celebrated, generally, been travelling all night, she incontinently went to the house not in a mail-coach, but walking over of Peter Brown, at whose bedroom rough roads, and assisting their weary window she perceived a head. With and over-worked cavalry up and dowu the intuitive knowledge of costume a succession of steep hills. possessed by ladies in general, she in. In consequence of this practice, the stantly, through the murky night, dis two forsaken matrons encountered covered that the cap on the said head Moses Brown, a first cousin of Peter's, was of the female gender; and there who had just dispatched his waggonforc boldly went up thereunto, and er on a commercial enterprise of the said, “ Mrs Brown, have you seen any description just alluded to. Moses thing of my husband?"-" What!" had heard voices as he passed the Lion; exclaimed Mrs Brown, “ haven't you and being somewhat of a curious turn, seen him? Well, I'd have you see had discovered, parıly by listening, after him pretty quickly, for he was and partly by the aid of certain cracks, here, just where you stand now, more holes, and ill-fitting joints in the shutthan two hours ago, talking all man ters, who the gentlemen were whose ner of nonsense to me, and calling me good-will and pleasure it was “ to vex his dear Betsy, so that I was quite the dull ear of night" with their unashamed of him. But, howsomever, timely mirth. Moses, moreover, was you needn't be uneasy about me, for a meek man, and professed to be exyou know I wouldn't do any thing tremely sorry for the two good women improper on no account. but have you who had two such roaring, rattling seen any thing of iny Peter ?"_“I blades for their husbands: for, by this believe I have,” replied Mrs Syms, and time, the bacchanalians, having eximinediately related the scandalous hausted their conversational powers, conduct of the smith beneath her win had commenced a series of songs. So, dow; and then the two ladies agreed under his guidance, the ladies reconto sally forth in search of their two noitred the drunken two through the worthless, good-for-nothing, drunk- cracks, holes, and ill-fitting joints en husbands."

aforesaid. Now it is a custom with those who Poor George Syms was, by this time, get their living by carrying coal, when regularly done up,” and dosing in they are about to convey it to any con- his chair; but Peter Brown, the smith, siderable distance, to commence their was still in his glory, and singing, in journey at such an hour as to reach no small voice, a certain song, which the first turnpike a little after mid was by no means fitting to be chanted night, that they may be enabled to go in the ear of his spouse. As for Jaout and return home within the twen. cob Philpot, the landlord, he sat erect ty-four hours, and thus save the ex« in his chair, with the dogged resolu. pense of the toll, which they would tion of a man who feels that he is at otherwise have to pay twice. This is his post, and is determined to be “no the secret of those apparently lazy fel, starter.” At this moment Sally made lows, whom the Bath ladies and dan. her appearance in the room, in the dies sometimes view with horror and same sort of dishabille as that worn by surprise, sleeping in the day-time, in, the ladies at the window, and comon, or under carts, benches, or wage menced a very unceremonious hagons. It hath been our lot, when in rangue to George Syms and Peter the city of waters, to hear certain of Brown, telling them that they ought these theoretical “ political econo- to be ashamed of themselves, not to mists” remark somewhat harshly on have been at home hours ago; “ as this mode of taking a siesta. We for this fellow,” said she, giving poor should recommend them henceforth Philpot a tremendous box on the car, to attend to the advice of Peter Pindar, “I'll make him remember it, I'll war. and

rant.” Jacob hereupon arose in great wrath ; but ere he could ascertain pre- at seeing and hearing, as he imagined, cisely the exact centre of gravity, Sally his own wife act' and speak in this settled his position by another cuff, shameful manner before his face, may which made his eyes twinkle, and sent he“ more easily imagined than descri. him reeling back into his seat. Seeing bed ;" but his genuine wife, who be. these things, the ladies without began, longed, as he conceived, to the drunken as fox-hunters say, to “give tongue," man, hung so close about his neck and vociferously demanded admit that he found it impossible to escape. tance; whereupon Mrs Philpot put George Syms, however, was utterly her head out from a window above, and unable to rise, andsat, with an idiota told them that she would be down and like simper upon his face, as if giving let them in in a minute, and that it was himself up to a pleasing delusion, a great pity gentlemen should ever get while his wife was patting, and coaxtoo much beer : and then she popped ing, and wheedling himn in every way, in her head, and in less than the stie to induce him to get upon his legs and pulated time, ran down stairs and try to go home. At length, as he vaopened the street door ; and so the cantly stared about, hecaughta glimpse wives were admitted to their deline of Mrs. Brown, whom, to save repeti. quent husbands; but meek Moses tion, we may as well call his teetotum Brown went his way, having a wife at wife, hanging about his neighbour's home, and having no desire to abide neck. This sight effectually roused the storm which he saw was coming. him, and before Mrs Syms was aware

Peter Brown was, as we said before, of his intention, he started up and ran in high feather; and, therefore, when furiously at Peter Brown, who receia he saw Mrs Syms, whom he (acting ved him much in the manner that under the teetotum delusion) mistook might be expected, with a salutation for the wife of his own particular bo in “ the bread. basket,” which sent som, he gaily accosted her, “Ah, old him reeling on the floor. As a matter girl!-Is it you? What! you've come of course, Mrs Syms took the part of to your senses, eh? Slept it off, I sup her fallen husband, and put her mark pose. Well, well; never mind! For upon Mr Peter Brown; and, as a mata give and forget, I say. I never saw you ter of course, Mrs Peter Brown took so before, I will say that for you, how the part of her spouse, and commenever. So, give us a buss, old girl ! and ced an attack on Mrs Syms. let us go home;" and without cere In the meanwhile Sally had not been mony he began to suit the action to idle. After chastening Jacob Philpot the word, whereupon the real Mrs to her heart's content, she, with the Brown flew to Mrs Syms' assistance, assistance of Mrs Philpot and Philip and, by hanging round Peter's neck, the hostler, who was much astonished enabled her friend to escape. Mrs to hear her“ order the mistress about," Syms, immediately she was released, conveyed him up stairs, where he was began to shake up her drowsy George, deposited, as he was, upon a spare who, immediately he opened his eyes, bed, to“ take his chance," as she said, scarcly knowing where he was, mar. “and sleep off his drunken fit.” Sally velled much to find himself thus han then returned to the scene of strife dled by, as he supposed, his neigh- and desired the “company" to go bour's wife: but with the maudlin about their business, for she should cunning of a drunken man, he thought not allow any thing more to “ be call. it was an excellent joke, and therefore ed for” that night. Having said this threw his arms round her, and began with an air of authority, she left the to hug her with a wondrous and un- room; and though Mrs Syms and Mrs usual degree of fondness, whereby the Brown were greatly surprised thereat, poor woman was much affected, and they said nothing, inasmuch as they called him her dear George, and said were somewhat ashamed of their own she knew it was not his fault, but appearance, and had matters of more " all along of that brute," pointing to importance than Sally's eccentricity Peter Brown, that he had drunk hiin. to think of, as Mrs Syms had been self into such a state. “Come along, cruelly wounded in her new shawl, my dear," she concluded, “let us go which she hal imprudently thrown and leave him-I don't care if I never over her shoulders; and the left side of see him any more.”

the lace on Mrs Brown's cap had been The exasperation of Peter Brown, torn away in the recent confict. Mrs and shook the stranger warmly by the parlour for the parson and the strange hand, and told him that he should be old gentleman; and when the mutton happy to see him whenever he came was placed upon the table, the latter that way again ; and then nodding to hoped they should have the pleasure Mr Stanhope and the landlady, went of Mrs Philpot's company ; but she out at the front door, mounted the looked somewhat doubtfully till the horse that stood there, and rode away. parson said, “ Come, come, mother, Where's the fellow going?” cried don't make a bother about it ; sit Mrs Philpot; “ Hillo! Jacob, I say !" down, can't you, when the gentleman

"Well, mother," said the Reverend bids you." Therefore she smoothed Mr Stanhope, “what's the matter her apron and made one at the dinner now?” but Mrs Philpot had reached table, and conducted herself with so the front of the house, and continued much precision, that the teetotum to shout, “ Hillo! hillo, come back, I parson looked upon her with consitell you !"-" That woman is always derable surprise, while she regarded doing some strange thing or other,” him with no less, inasmuch as he observed Mr Stanhope to the stranger. talked in a very unclerical manner; What on earth can possess her to and, among other strange things, swore go calling after the parson in that that his wife was as “ drunk as blazes” manner?"_“I declare he's rode off the night before, and winked at her, with squire Jones's horse," cried Mrs and behaved altogether in a style very Philpot, re-entering the house. To unbecoming a minister in his own be sure he has," said Mr Stanhope; parish. “ he borrowed it on purpose to go to At one o'clock there was a great the Old Boar."-"Did he?” exclaimed sensation caused in the village of the landlady; “ and without telling Stockwell, by the appearance of their me a word about it! But I'll Old Boar reverend pastor and the elderly stranhim, I promise you !"-"Don't make ger, sitting on the bench which went such a fool of yourself, mother,” said round the tree, which stood before the parson ;“ it can't signify twopence the sign of the roaring, rampant Red to you where he goes."-"Can't it?" Lion, each with a long pipe in his rejoined Mrs Philpot. “I'll tell you mouth, blowing clouds, which would what, your worship "-" Don't not have disgraced the most inveterate worship me, woman," exclaimed the sinoker of the “ black diamond” freteetotum landlord parson ;“ worship! ternity, and ever and anon moistenwhat nonsense now! Why, you've been ing their clay with “ heavy wet,” taking your drops again this inorning, from tankards placed upon a small I think. Worship, indeed! To be table, which Mrs Philpot had prosure, I did once, like a fool, promise to vided for their accommodation. The worship you ; but if my time was to little boys and girls first approached come over again, I know what - within a respectful distance, and then But, never mind now-don't you see ran away giggling to tell their comit's twelve o'clock? Come, quick, let panions; and they told their mothers, us have what there is to eat, and then who came and peeped likewise ; and we'll have a comfortable pipe under the many were diverted, and many were tree. What say you, sir?"_" With scandalized at the sight: yet the rare all my heart," replied the elderly son seemed to care for none of these stranger. Mrs Philpot could make things, but cracked his joke, and sipnothing of the parson's speech about pod bis ale, and smoked bis pipe, with worshipping her ; but the order for as much easy nonchalance as if he had something to eat was very distinct; been in his own arm-chair at the recand though she felt much surprised tory. Yet it must be confessed that thereat, as well as at the proposed now and then there was a sort of equismoking under the tree, she, never vocal remark made by him, as though theless, was much gratified that so he had some faint recollection of his unusual an order should be given on former profession, although he evinthat particular day, as she had a come- ced not ihe smallest sense of shame at what better dinner than usual, name, the change which had been wrouşht ly, a leg of mutton upon the spit. in him. Indeed this trifling imperTherefore she bustled about with ex- fection in the change of identity apceeding good-will, and Sally spread a pears to have attended such transforclean cloth upon the table in the little mations in general, and might have arisen from the individual bodies re- up his pint and drinking a very untaining their own clothes, (for the christianlike malediction against the mere fashion of dress hath a great in. Pope. George Syms followed on the fluence on some minds,) or, perhaps, same side, and concluded in the same because a profession or trade, with the manner, adding thereunto, “ Your habits thereof, cannot be entirely sha- good healths, gemmen."-" What a ken off, nor a new one perfectly learn- pack of nonsense !” exclaimed the ed, by spinning a teetotum for five parson. “I should like to know what minutes. The time had now arrived harm the Pope can do us! I tell you when George Syms, the shoemaker, what, my lads, it's all my eye and and Peter Brown, the blacksmith, Betty Martin. Live and let live, I were accustomed to take their “ pint say. So long as I can get a good liand pipe after dinner," and greatly ving, I don't care the toss of a halfwere they surprised to see their places penny who's uppermost. For my SO occupied ; and not a little was part, I'd as soon live at the sign of their astonishment increased, when the Mitre as the Lion, or mount the the parson lifted up his voice, and cardinal's hat for that matter, if I ordered Sally to bring out a couple of thought I could get any thing by it. chairs, and then shook them both Look at home, say I. The Pope's an warmly by the hand, and welcomed old woman, and so are they that are them by the affectionate appellation afraid of him.” The elderly stranger of " My hearties !” He then winked, here seemed highly delighted, and and in an under tone, began to sing cried, “ Bravo !” and clapped the “Though I'm tied to a crusty old woman, speaker on the back, and said, “ That's

Much given to scolding and jealousy, your sort! Go it, my hearty!” But I know that the case is too common, Peter Brown, who was one of the And so I will ogle each girl I see. sturdy English old-fashioned school,

Tol de rol, lol, &c. and did not approve of hot and cold Come, my lads!" he resumed, “sit being blown out of the same mouth, you down, and clap half a yard of took the liberty of telling the parson, clay into your mouths.” The two in a very unceremonious way, that he worthy artisans looked at each other seemed to have changed his opinions significantly, or rather insignificantly, very suddenly. “ Not I," said the for they knew not what to think, and other;“ I was always of the same way did as they were bid. “ Come, why of thinking."-" Then words have no don't you talk?" said the teetotum meaning," observed George Syms, parson landlord, after a short silence. angrily, “ for I heard you myself. You're as dull as a couple of tom. You talked as loud about the wickedcats with their ears cut off-alk, ness of 'mancipation as ever I heard a man, talk-there's no doing nothing man in my life, no longer ago than without talking." This last part last Sunday."-" Then I must have of his speech seemed more particu. been drunk-that's all I can say about larly addressed to Peter Brown, who, the business," replied the other coola albeit a man of a sound head, and ly; and he began to fill his pipe with well skilled in such matters as apper. the utmost nonchalance, as though it tained unto iron and the coal trade, was a matter of course. Such appa. had not been much in the habit of rently scandalous conduct was, how. mixing with the clergy : therefore he ever, too much for the unsophistica. felt, for a moment, as he said, “non- ted George Syms and Peter Brown, plushed;" but fortunately he recol, who simultaneously threw down their lected the Catholic question, about reckoning, and, much to their credit, which most people were then talking, left the turncoat reprobate parson to and which every body professed to the company of the elderly gentle. understand. Therefore, he forth with man. introduced the subject; and being well If we were to relate half the whimaware of the parson's bias, and has sical consequences of the teetotum ving, moreover, been told that he had tricks of this strange personage, we written a pamphlet; therefore (though might fill voluines; but, as it is not to do Peter Brown justice, he was not our intention to allow the detail to accustomed to read such publications) swell even into one, we must hastily he scrupled not to give his opinion sketch the proceedings of poor Jacob very freely, and concluded by iaking Philpot, after he left the Red Lion to dine with sundry of the gentry and ly as possible, and made her escape clergy at the Old Boar, in his new ca. into a room, the door of wbich was pacity of an ecclesiastic, in the out, beld open for her admittance by the ward form of a somewhat negligently waiter; and then the woriby rector dressed landlord. He was accosted on made his appearance, followed by one the road by divers of his coal.carrying of the “ little darlings," whom Jacob neighbours with a degree of familiari. Pbilpot, in the joy of his beart at find. ty which was exceedingly mortifying ing himself once more among friends, to his feelings. One told him to be snatched up in his arms, and thereby home in time to take part of a gallon produced a bellowing which instantly of ale that he had won of neighbour brought the alarmed mother from ber Smith ; a second reminded him that retreat. “ What is that trightful man to-morrow was club-night at the doing with the child ?" she critd, und Nag's Head ; and a third asked him Jacob, who could scarcely believe his where he had stolen his horse. At ears, was immediately deprived of his length he arrived, much out of hu- burden, while his particular friend, mour, at the Old Boar, an inn of a the worthy rector, looked upon him very different description from the with a cold and vacant stare, and then Red Lion, being a posting house of retired into his room with his wife and no inconsiderable magnitude, wherein the little darling, and Jacob was, once that day was to be holden the sym, more, left to his own cogitations. “I posium of certain grandees of the ad- see it!” he exclaimed, after a short jacent country, as before hinted. pause, “ I see it! This is the reward

The landlord, who happened to be of rectitude of principle! This is the standing at the door, was somewhat reward of undeviating and inflexible surprised at the formal manner with firmness of purpose! He has read my which Jacob Philpot greeted him, and unanswerable pamphlet! I always gave his horse into the charge of the thought there was a laxity of princihostler ; but, as he knew him only by ple about him!” So Jacob forih with sight, and had many things to attend walked into the open air to cool him. to, he went his way without making self, and strolled round the garden of any remark, and thus, unwittingly, the inn, and meditated upon divers increased the irritation of Jacob's new important subjects; and thus be passe teetotum sensitive feelings. .06 Are ed his time till the hour of dinner, any of the gentlemen come yet?" ask though he could not but keep occasion. ed Jacob, haughtily, of one of the ally wondering that some of his friends waiters. “ What gentlemen ?" quoth did not come down to meet him, since the waiter. " Any of them," said they must have seen him walking in Jacob, “Mr Wiggins, Doctor White, the garden. His patience, however, or Captain Pole?" At this moment was at length exhausted, and his apa carriage drove up to the door, and petite was exceedingly clamorous, the bells all began ringing, and the partly, perhaps, because his outward waiters ran to see who had arrived, man had been used to dine at the ple. and Jacob Philpot was left unheeded. beian hour of noon, while his inward “ This is very strange conduct !” ob- man made a point of never taking served he; “I never met with such any thing more than a biscuit and a incivility in my life! One would think glass of wine between breakfast and I was a dog !" Scarcely had this soli- five o'clock; and even that little moloquy terminated, when a lady, who dicum had been omitted on this fatal had alighted from the carriage, (lea- day, in consequence of the incivility ving the gentleman who came with of the people of the inn. “ The dina her to give some orders about the ner hour was five precisely," said be, luggage) entered the inn, and was looking at his watch, " and now it is greatly surprised to find her delicate half past-but I'll wait a little longer. hand seized by the horny grasp of the It's a bad plan to hurry them. It landlord of the Red Lion, who ad puts the cook out of humour, and then dres.cd her as “ Dear Mrs Wilkins," all goes wrong." Therefore he waited and vowed he was quite delighted at a little longer ; that is to say, till the the unexpected pleasure of seeing her, calls of absolute hunger became quite and hoped the worthy rector was well, ungovernable, and then he went into and all the dear little darlings. Mrs the house, where the odour of delicate Wilkins disengaged her hand as quick viands was quite provoking; so he

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