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followed the guidance of his nose and arrived in the large dining-rooin, where he found, to his great surprise and mortification, that the company were assembled, and the work of destruction had been going on for some time, as the second course had just been placed on the table. Jacob felt that the neglect with which he had been treat ed was "enough to make a parson swear;" and perhaps he would have sworn, but that he had no time to spare; and, therefore, as all the seats at the upper end of the table were en gaged, he deposited himself on a va cant chair about the centre, between two gentlemen with whom he had no acquaintance, and, spreading his nap kin in his lap, demanded of a waiter what fish had gone out. The man replied only by a stare and a smile, a line of conduct which was by no means surprising, seeing that the most stylish part of Philpot's dress was, without dispute, the napkin aforesaid. For the rest, it was unlike the garb of the strange gentleman, inasmuch as that, though possibly entitled to the epithet shabby, it could not be termed genteel. "What's the fellow gaping at?" cried Jacob, in an angry voice; "go and tell your master that I want to speak to him directly. I don't understand such treatment. Tell him to come immediately! Do you hear?"

The loud tone in which this was spoken aroused the attention of the company; and most of them cast a look of enquiry first at the speaker, and then round the table, as if to discern by whom the strange gentleman in the scarlet and yellow plush waistcoat and the dirty shirt might be patronised: but there were others who recognised the landlord of the Red Lion at Stockwell. The whole, however, were somewhat startled when he addressed them as follows:-" Really, gentlemen, I must say, that a joke may be carried too far; and, if it was not for my cloth," (here he handled the napkin,) "I declare I don't know how I might act. I have been walking in the garden for these two hours, and you must have seen me. And now you stare at me as if you didn't know me! Really, gentlemen, it is too bad! I love a joke as well as any man, and can take one too; but, as I said before, a joke may be carried too far."-" I think so too," said the landlord of the Old Boar, tapping him on the shoulder;

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"so come along, and don't make fool of yourself here."-" Fellow!" cried Jacob, rising in great wrath. "Go your ways! Be off, I tell you! Mr Chairman! we have known each other now for a good many years, and you must be convinced that I can take a joke as well as any man; but human nature can endure this no longer. Mr Wiggins! Captain Pole! my good friend Doctor White! I appeal to you!" Here the gentlemen named looked especially astounded. "What! can it be possible that you have all agreed to cut me! Oh, no! I will not believe that political differences of opinion can run quite so high. Come-let us have no more of this nonsense!"-"No, no, we've had quite enough of it," said the landlord of the Old Boar, pulling the chair from beneath the last speaker, who was consequently obliged again to be upon his legs, while there came, from various parts of the table, cries of "Chair chair! Turn him out!""Man!" roared the teetotum parsonified landlord of the Red Lion, to the landlord of the Old Boar, "Man!" you shall repent of this! If it wasn't for my cloth, I'd soon-"Come, give me the cloth!" said the other, snatching away the napkin, which Jacob had buttoned in his waistcoat, and thereby causing that garment to fly open and expose more of dirty linen and skin than is usually sported at a dinner party. Poor Philpot's rage had now reached its acme, and he again appealed to the chairman by name. "Colonel Martin!" said he, "can you sit by and see me used thus? I am sure you will not pretend that you don't know me!"-" Not I," replied the chairman; "I know you well enough, and a confounded impudent fellow you are. I'll tell you what, my lad, next time you apply for a license, you shall hear of this." The landlord of the Old Boar was, withal, a kind-hearted man; and, as he well knew that the loss of its license would be ruin to the rampant Red Lion and all concerned therewith, he was determined that poor Philpot should be saved from destruction in spite of his teeth: therefore, without further ceremony, he, being a muscular man, laid violent hands upon the said Jacob, and, with the assistance of his waiters, conveyed him out of the room, in de spite of much struggling, and sundry interjections concerning his "cloth."

When they had deposited him safely in an arm-chair in "the bar," the landlady, who had frequently seen him before, in his proper character, that of a civil man, who "knew his place" in society, very kindly offered him a cup of tea; and the landlord asked how he could think of making such a fool of himself; and the waiter, whom he had accosted on first entering the house, vouched for his not having had any thing to eat or drink; whereupon they spoke of the remains of a turbot, which had just come down stairs, and a haunch of venison that was to follow. It is a sad thing to have a mind and body that are no match for each other. Jacob's outward man would have been highly gratified at the exhibition of these things; but the spirit of the parson was too mighty within, and spurned every offer, and the body was compelled to obey. So the horse that was borrowed of the squire was ordered out, and Jacob Philpot mounted and rode on his way in excessive irritation, growling vehemently at the insult and indignity which had been committed against the "cloth" in general, and his own person in particular.

"The sun sunk beneath the horizon," as novelists say, when Jacob Philpot entered the village of Stockwell, and, as if waking from a dream, he suddenly started, and was much surprised to find himself on horseback, for the last thing that he recollected, was going up stairs at his own house, and composing himself for a nap, that he might be ready to join neighbour Scroggins and Dick Smith, when they came in the evening to drink the gallon of ale lost by the latter. "And, my eyes!" said he, " if I haven't got the squire's horse that the parson borrowed this morning. Well-it's very odd! how ever, the ride has done me a deal of good, for I feel as if I hadn't had any thing all day, and yet I did pretty well too at the leg of mutton at dinner." Mrs Philpot received her lord and nominal master in no very gracious mood, and said she should like to know where he had been riding. "That's more than I can tell you,' replied Jacob; "however, I know I'm as hungry as a greyhound, though I never made a better dinner in my life."'-" More shame for you," said Mrs Philpot; "I wish the Old Boar was a thousand miles off."

"What's the woman talking about?" quoth Jacob. "Eh! what! at it again, I suppose," and he pointed to the closet containing the rum bottle. "Hush!" cried Mrs Philpot, "here's the parson coming down stairs !"— "The parson!" exclaimed Jacob; "what's he been doing up stairs, I should like to know ?"" He has been to take a nap on mistress's bed," said Sally. "The dickens he has! This is a pretty story," quoth Jacob. "How could I help it?" asked Mrs Philpot; "you should stay at home and look after your own business, and not go ramshackling about the country. You shan't hear the last of the Old Boar just yet, I promise you." To avoid the threatened storm, and satisfy the calls of hunger, Jacob made off to the larder, and commenced an attack upon the leg of mutton.

At this moment the Reverend Mr Stanhope opened the little door at the foot of the stairs. On waking, and finding himself upon a bed, he had concluded that he must have fainted in consequence of the agitation of mind produced by the gross insults which he had suffered, or perhaps from the effects of hunger. Great, therefore, was his surprise to find himself at the Red Lion in his own parish; and the first questions he asked of Mrs Philpot were how and when he had been brought there. "La, sir!" said the landlady, "you went up stairs of your own accord, after you were tired of smoking under the tree."-" Smoking under the tree, woman!" exclaimed Mr Stanhope; "what are you talking about? Do you recollect whom you are speaking to?"-" Ay, marry, do I," replied the sensitive Mrs Philpot; "and you told Sally to call you when Scroggins and Smith came for their gallon of ale, as you meant to join their party.'

The Reverend Mr Stanhope straightway took up his hat, put it upon his head, and stalked with indignant dignity out of the house, opining that the poor woman was in her cups; and meditated, as he walked home, on the extraordinary affairs of the day. But his troubles were not yet ended, for the report of his public jollification had reached his own household; and John, his trusty man-servant, had been dispatched to the Red Lion, and had ascertained that his master was really

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gone to bed in a state very unfit for a clergyman to be seen in. Some remarkably good-natured friends had been to condole with Mrs Stanhope upon the extraordinary proceedings of her goodman, and to say how much they were shocked, and what a pity it was, and wondering what the bishop would think of it, and divers other equally amiable and consolatory reflections and notes of admiration. Now Mrs Stanhope, though she had much of the "milk of human kindness" in her composition, had, withal, a sufficient portion of tartaric acid" mingled therewith. Therefore, when her beerdrinking husband made his appearance, he found her in a state of effervescence. "Mary," said he, "I am extremely fatigued. I have been exposed to-day to a series of insults, such as I could not have imagined it possible for any one to offer me."-"Nor any body else," replied Mrs Stanhope; "but you are rightly served, and I am glad of it. Who could have supposed that you, the minister of a parish!-Faugh! how filthily you smell of tobacco! vow I cannot endure to be in the room with you!" and she arose and left the divine to himself, in exceeding great perplexity. However, being a man who loved to do all things in order, he remembered that he had not dined, so he rang the bell and gave the needful instructions, thinking it best to satisfy nature first, and then endeavour to ascertain the cause of his beloved Mary's acidity. His appetite was gone, but that he attributed to having fasted too long, a practice very unusual with him; however, he picked a bit here and there, and then indulged himself with a bottle of his oldest port, which he had about half consumed, and somewhat recovered his spirits, ere his dear Mary made her reappearance, and told him that she was perfectly astonished at his conduct. And well might she say so, for now, the wine, which he had been drinking with unusual rapidity, think ing, good easy man, that he had taken nothing all day, began to have a very visible effect upon a body already saturated with strong ale. He declared that he cared not a fig for the good opinion of any gentleman in the county, that he would always act and speak according to his principles, and filled a bumper to the health of the Lord Chancellor, and drank sundry more exceedingly loyal toasts, and told his

VOL. XXVI. NO. CLV.

astonished spouse, that he should not be surprised if he was very soon to be made a Dean or a Bishop, and as for the people at the Old Boar, he saw through their conduct-it was all envy, which doth "merit as its shade pursue." The good lady justly deemed it folly to waste her oratory upon a man in such a state, and reserved her powers for the next morning; and Mr Stanhope reeled to bed that night in a condition which, to do him justice, he had never before exhibited under his own roof.

The next morning, Mrs Stanhope and her daughter Sophy, a promising young lady about ten years old, of the hoyden class, were at breakfast, when the elderly stranger called at the rectory, and expressed great concern on being told that Mr S. was somewhat indisposed, and had not yet made his appearance. He said that his business was of very little importance, and merely concerned some geological enquiries which he was prosecuting in the vicinity; but Mrs Stanhope, who had the names of all the ologies by heart, and loved occasionally to talk thereof, persuaded him to wait a short time, little dreaming of the consequence; for the wily old gentleman began to romp with Miss Sophy, and, after a while, produced his teetotum, and, in short, so contrived it, that the mother and daughter played together therewith for five minutes. He then politely took his leave, promising to call again; and Mrs Stanhope bobbed him a curtsey, and Sophia assured him that Mr S. would be extremely happy to afford him every assistance in his scientific researches. When the worthy divine at length made his appearance in the breakfast parlour, strangely puzzled as to the extreme feverishness and languor which oppressed him, he found Sophy sitting gravely in an armchair, reading a treatise on craniology. It was a pleasant thing for him to see her read any thing, but he could not help expressing his surprise by observing, "I should think that book a little above your comprehension, my dear."-" Indeed! sir," was the reply; and the little girl laid down the volume and sat erect in her chair, and thus continued: "I should think, Mr Nicodemus Stanhope, that after the specimen of good sense and propriety of conduct, which you were pleased to exhibit yesterday, it scarcely becomes you to pretend to estimate the com

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prehension of others."-"My dear," said the astonished divine, "this is very strange language! You forget whom you are speaking to!"-" Not at all," replied the child. "I know my place, if you don't know yours, and am determined to speak my mind." If any thing could add to the Reverend Mr Nicodemus Stanhope's surprise, it was the sound of his wife's voice in the garden, calling to his man John to stand out of the way, or she should run over him. Poor John, who was tying up some of her favourite flowers, got out of her way accordingly in quick time, and the next moment his mistress rushed by, trundling a hoop, hallooing and laughing, and highly enjoying his apparent dismay. Throughout that day, it may be imagined that the reverend gentleman's philosophy was sorely tried; but we are compelled, by want of room, to leave the particulars of his botheration to the reader's imagination.

We are sorry to say that these were not the only metamorphoses which the mischievous old gentleman wrought in the village of Stockwell. There was a game of teetotum played between a sergeant of dragoons, who had retired upon his well-earned pension, and a baker, who happened likewise to be the renter of a small patch of land adjoining the village. The veteran, with that indistinctness of character before mentioned, shouldered the peel,* and took it to the field, and used it for loading and spreading manure, so that it was never afterwards fit for any but

dirty work. Then, just to shew that he was not afraid of any body, he cut a gap in the hedge of a small field of wheat which had just been reaped, and was standing in sheaves, and thereby gave admittance to a neighbouring bull, who amused himself greatly by tossing the said sheaves; but more particularly those which were set apart as tythes, against which he appeared to have a particular spite, throwing them high into the air, and then bellowing and treading them under foot. But-we must come to a close. Suffice it to say, that the village of Stockwell was long in a state of confusion in consequence of these games; for the mischief which was done during the period of delusion, ended not, like the delusion itself, with the rising or setting of the sun.

Having now related as many particulars of these strange occurrences as our limits will permit, we have merely to state the effect which they produced upon ourselves. Whenever we have since beheld servants aping the conduct of their masters or mistresses, tradesmen wasting their time and money at taverns, clergymen forgetful of the dignity and sacred character of their profession, publicans imagining themselves fit for preachers, children calling their parents to account for their conduct, matrons acting the hoyden, and other incongruities-whenever we witness these and the like occurrences, we conclude that the actors therein have been playing a game with the Old Gentleman's Teetotum.

REVIEW OF THE LAST SESSION OF PARLIAMENT.

THE Parliament, which the Secretary for the Home Department characterises as having broken in on the Constitution, has been adjourned; and, although, during the continuance of its deliberations, (its sittings rather,) there was little reason for suspending our judgment on the character of its proceedings, yet we feel more at liberty now that the history of the entire Session is before us, calmly to review and record our opinion, as to the measures of late adopted by the legislature of this country, and the manner

"Peel.

in which they have become law. It is not, however, our intention to conduct our readers through all the mazes of the late Parliamentary proceedings. Of these, many were more akin to the debates of a parish vestry than to the deliberations of a senate. Nor do we conceive that much additional information on the subjects of a free trade, and the great currency-question, can be elicited from the most diligent enquiry into the reported discussions on these subjects, in which the assembled wisdom of the nation were pleased to

A broad, thin board, with a long handle, used by bakers to put their bread in and out of the oven."-JOHNSON.

engage. The foreign relations of Great Britain, too, we are of opinion, so far as the lights cast by our Legislators have fallen upon them, are exhibited in no very amiable point of view; and are, for the greater part, suffered to remain in that state of palpable obscurity, which is so stimulating to the speculatist, and in which he who looks for mystery or surprise, has no reason to apprehend that his theories may not exist in safe ty until events have demolished them. In short, the proceedings, and the reported deliberations, in the late Session of Parliament, have been, for the greater part, of a nature to discourage all men from seeking information in them, except only such projectors as he who expected that a ton of burnt paper, subjected to a process of distillation, would yield that inestimable liquid the long-sought elixir vitæ.

But the Parliament, which did so little to instruct the nation, has yet had the privilege of breaking in upon the Constitution, and changing, fundamentally, the laws of England. In Shakspeare's play of Henry the Sixth, when various warriors of the house of York were eloquently descanting on their exploits, the crooked-back Richard, who has been engaged in an action of more atrocious importance, casts down among the astonished group the head of the murdered King, and bids it speak for him. As we have passed the windows where the speeches of Burke, and Windham, and Fox, and other worthies of the former days, are proudly paraded, we have remembered Richard's boast, and thought that that Parliament of England which has attempted no rivalry and renounced all alliance of such mighty names, may yet, for the enormous mischief of its former doings, challenge for ever an undisputed pre-eminence in the annals of this country.

The question of Catholic Emancipation is now settled; settled, we mean, in the Irish fashion, as its evils have begun. It might, therefore, be said, that it is one which it cannot be necessary to discuss. Argument can no longer avert, lamentation cannot serve to alleviate, the calamity which the nation has sustained. Why then not suffer the remembrance of such an evil to pass away, and why not leave the public mind to subside into acquiescence with a state of things, which, however undesirable, is inevitable?

Our answer might be, that the public mind cannot so far sink into forgetfulness and indifference of what England was and what she has become,but for ourselves, we promise that the tendency of our reflections shall be less to exasperate than to control popular irritation. We are quite ready to confess, that we deprecate the coming of that day, when Englishmen shall be indifferent to national dishonour; and would not more readily encounter all peril and disaster than make a league with iniquity; but now that the constitution of England is changed, and the time not arrived, when it can be restored to its original excellence, by exertions such as law and reason will approve, we would not willingly utter a syllable by which an unnecessary pang might be sent to an honest heart, or the violence of public indignation be, in any degree, increased. If, therefore, we enter into some retrospects of the late Parliamentary proceedings, it is not with any mischievous design, but because what we have to present, we do not wish to utter with oracular arrogance; and are willing to recommend less by the weight of our authority than by the arguments on which it shall be rested.

This is the course pursued by all modern prophets-they expect you to believe in their predictions, just in the same proportions as they satisfy you that their knowledge of the past is correct. We imitate them; and enter into an examination of the conduct of Parliament, not so much with a view to expose the impolicy of their measures, as to shew how far our own anticipations are justified by their pro ceedings.

We shall endeavour to subdue every rising emotion of disgust or abhorence-we shall control every throb of indignation and disdain, by the remembrance of the mighty interests which have been wantonly set in peril -personal feelings, we have no doubt, will subside before such solemn associations, and we shall be nothing more than the mouth-piece through which the events which have occurred warn the nation of what is yet to be expected. Under such impressions, we commence our remarks on the late Session of Parliament; let the reader judge whether we keep our promise of truth and moderation.

The most characteristic feature of

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