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followed the guidance of his nose and " so come along, and don't make a arrived in the largedining-rooin, where fool of yourself here,"" Fellow !" he found, to his great surprise and cried Jacob, rising in great wrath, mortification, that the company were “ Go your ways ! Be off, I tell you ! assembled, and the work of destruca Mr Chairman! we have known each tion had been going on for some time, other now for a good many years, and as the second course had just been you must be convinced that I can placed on the table. Jacob felt that the take a joke as well as any man ; but neglect with which he had been treat. human nature can endure this no ed was “ enough to make a parson longer. Mr Wiggins ! Captain Pole! swear;" and perhaps he would have my good friend Doctor White! I apa sworn, but that he had no time to peal to you !" Here the gentlemen spare ; and, therefore, as all the seats named looked especially astounded. at the upper end of the table were en. " What! can it be possible that gaged, he deposited himself on a va you have all agreed to cut me! Oh, cant chair about the centre, between no! I will not believe that political two gentlemen with whom he had no differences of opinion can run quite so acquaintance, and, spreading his nap, high. Come let us have no more of kin in his lap, demanded of a waiter this nonsense !"-"No, no, we've what fish had gone out. The man had quite enough of it," said the land. replied only by a stare and a smile,
by a stare and a smile. lord of the Old Boar, pulling the chair a line of conduct which was by no from beneath the last speaker, who means surprising, seeing that the most was consequently obliged again to be stylish part of Philpot's dress was, upon his legs, while there came, from without dispute, the napkin aforesaid. various parts of the table, cries of For the rest, it was unlike the garb
“ Chair! chair! Turn him out!" of the strange gentleman, inasmuch "Man!” roared the teetotum parsonia as that, though possibly entitled to fied landlord of the Red Lion, to the the epithet shabby, it could not be landlord of the Old Boar, “ Man !" termed genteel. "What's the fellow you shall repent of this! If it wasn't gaping at?" cried Jacob, in an angry for my cloth, I'd soon- "-" Come, voice; “go and tell your master that give me the cloth !" said the other, I want to speak to him directly. I snatching away the napkin, which don't understand such treatment. Tell Jacob had buttoned in his waistcoat, bim to come immediately! Do you and thereby causing that garment to hear?"
fly open and expose more of dirty linen The loud tone in which this was and skin than is usually sported at a spoken aroused the attention of the dinner party. Poor Philpot's rage had company; and most of them cast a now reached its acme, and he again look of enquiry first at the speaker, and appealed to the chairman by name. then round the table, as if to discern "Colonel Martin !” said he, "can you by whom the strange gentleman in the sit by and see me used thus? I'am scarlet and yellow plush waistcoat and sure you will not pretend that you the dirty shirt might be patronised : don't know me!”-“ Not I," replied but there were others who recognised the chairman; “I know you 'well the landlord of the Red Lion at Stock enough, and a confounded impudent well. The whole, however, were some- fellow you are. I'll tell you what, what startled when be addressed them my lad, next time you apply for a as follows:-" Really, gentlemen, I license, you shall hear of this." The must say, that a joke may be carried landlord of the Old Boar was, withal. too far; and, if it was not for my a kind-hearted man; and, as he well cloth,” (here he handled the napkin,) knew that the loss of its license would “ I declare I don't know how I might be ruin to the rampant Red Lion and act. I have been walking in the gar- all concerned therewith, he was de den for these two hours, and you must termined that poor Philpot should be have seen me. And now you stare at saved from destruction in spite of his me as if you didn't know me! Really, teeth: therefore, without further ce. gentlemen, it is too bad! I love a remony, he, being a muscular man, joke as well as any man, and can take laid violent hands upon the said Jacob, one too ; but, as I said before, a joke and, with the assistance of his waiters, may be carried too far." _“I think so conveyed him out of the room, in dea too, said the landlord of the Old spite of much struggling, and sundry Boar, tapping him on the shoulder ; interjections concerning his “ cloth.”
When they had deposited him safely “ What's the woman talking about?" in an arm.chair in “ the bar," the quoth Jacob. “ Eh! what! at it landlady, who had frequently seen him again, I suppose," and he pointed to before, in his proper character, that the closet containing the rum bottle. of a civil man, who “ knew his place" “ Hush !” cried Mrs Philpot, “here's in society, very kindly offered him a the parson coming down stairs !”cup of tea; and the landlord asked “The parson !” exclaimed Jacob; how he could think of making such a “what's he been doing up stairs, I fool of himself; and the waiter, whom should like to know ?"-". He has he had accosted on first entering the been to take a nap on mistress's bed," house, vouched for his not having had said Sally. “ The dickens he has ! any thing to eat or drink; whereupon This is a pretty story," quoth Jacob. they spoke of the remains of a turbot, “How could I help it ?” asked Mrs which had just come down stairs, and Philpot; “ you should stay at home a haunch of venison that was to follow. and look after your own business, and It is a sad thing to have a mind and not go ramshackling about the coun. body that are no match for each other. try. You shan't hear the last of the Jacob's outward man would have been Old Boar just yet, I promise you." highly gratified at the exhibition of To avoid the threatened storm, and these things; but the spirit of the satisfy the calls of hunger, Jacob made parson was too mighty within, and off to the larder, and commenced an spurned every offer, and the body was attack upon the leg of mutton. compelled to obey. So the horse that At this moment the Reverend Mr was borrowed of the squire was order. Stanhope opened the little door at the ed out, and Jacob Philpot mounted foot of the stairs. On waking, and and rode on his way in excessive irri. finding himself upon a bed, he hall tation, growling vehemently at the in- concluded that he must have fainted sult and indignity which had been in consequence of the agitation of committed against the “ cloth" in ge- mind produced by the gross insults neral, and his own person in particu- which he had suffered, or perhaps
from the effects of hunger. Great, " Thesun sunk beneath the horizon," therefore, was his surprise to find as novelists say, when Jacob Philpot himself at the Red Lion in his own entered the village of Stockwell, and, parish; land the first questions he as if waking from a dream, he sudden- asked of Mrs Philpot were how and ly started, and was much surprised to when he had been brought there. find himself on horseback, for the last “ La, sir !” said the landlady, “ you thing that he recollected, was going went up stairs of your own accord, up stairs at his own house, and come after you were tired of smoking unposing himself for a nap, that he might der the tree."--" Smoking under the be ready to join neighbour Scroggins tree, woman !” exclaimed Mr Stanand Dick Smith, when they came in hope; “what are you talking about? the evening to drink the gallon of ale Do you recollect whom you are speak. lost by the latter. “ And, my eyes !” ing to?"-" Ay, marry, do 1,” resaid he, “ if I haven't got the squire's plied the sensitive Mrs Philpot; "and horse that the parson borrowed this you told Sally to call you when Scrogmorning. Well-it's very odd ! how, gins and Smith came for their gallon ever, the ride has done me a deal of of ale, as you meant to join their good, for I feel as if I hadn't had any party.” thing all day, and yet I did pretty well. The Reverend Mr Stanhope straighttoo at the leg of mutton at dinner.” way took up his hat, put it upon his Mrs Philpot received her lord and no- head, and stalked with indignant dig, minal master in no very gracious nity out of the house, opining that the mood, and said she should like to poor woman was in ber cups; and me. know where he had been riding. ditated, as he walked home, on the ex" That's more than I can tell you," traordinary affairs of the day. But his replied Jacob; “ however, I know troubles were not yet ended, for the I'm as hungry as a greyhound, report of his public jollification had though I never made a better dinner reached his own household; and John, in my life."-" More shame for you," his trusty man- servant, had been dis. said Mrs Philpot; " I wish the Old patched to the Red Lion, and had as, Boar was a thousand miles off."- certained that his master was really
gone to bed in a state very unfit for a astonished spouse, that he should not clergyman to be seen in. Some re- be surprised if he was very soon to be markably good-natured friends had made a Dean or a Bishop, and as for the been to condole with Mrs Stanhope people at the Old Boar, he saw through upon the extraordinary proceedings of their conduct-it was all envy, which her goodman, and to say how much they doth “merit as its shade pursue.” The were shocked, and what a pity it was, good lady justly deemed it folly to and wondering what the bishop would waste her oratory upon a man in such think of it, and divers other equally a state, and reserved her powers for amiable and consolatory reflections and the next morning; and Mr Stanhope notes of admiration. Now Mrs Stan, reeled to bed that night in a condition hope, though she had much of the which, to do him justice, he had never ri milk of human kindness” in her before exhibited under his own roof. composition, had, withal, a sufficient The next morning, Mrs Stanhope portion of " tartaric acid” mingled and her daughter Sophy, a promising therewith. Therefore, when her beer young lady about ten years old, of the drinking husband made his appearance, hoyden class, were at breakfast, when he found her in a state of effervescence. the elderly stranger called at the rec“ Mary,” said he, “ I am extremely tory, and expressed great concern on fatigued. I have been exposed to-day being told that Mr S. was somewhat to a series of insults, such as I could indisposed, and had not yet made his not have imagined it possible for any appearance. He said that his business one to offer me."-"Nor any body was of very little importance, and else," replied Mrs Stanhope ; “but merely concerned some geological enyou are rightly served, and I am glad quiries which he was prosecuting in of it. Who could have supposed that the vicinity; but Mrs Stanhope, who you, the minister of a parish!-Faugh! had the names of all the ologies by how filthily you smell of tobacco ! I heart, and loved occasionally to talk vow I cannot endure to be in the room thereof, persuaded him to wait a short with you !" and she arose and left the time, little dreaming of the consedivine to himself, in exceeding great quence; for the wily old gentleman perplexity. However, being a man began to romp with Miss Sophy, and, who loved to do all things in order, he after a while, produced his teetotum, remembered that he had not dined, so and, in short, so contrived it, that the he rang the bell and gave the needsul mother and daughter played together instructions, thinking it best to satisfy therewith for five minutes. He then nature first, and then endeavour to ase politely took his leave, promising to certain the cause of his beloved Mary's call again ; and Mrs Stanhope bobbed acidity. His appetite was gone, but him a curtsey, and Sophia assured him that he attributed to having fasted too that Mr S. would be extremely happy long, a practice very unusual with him; to afford him every assistance in his however, he picked a bit here and there, scientific researches. When the worthy and then indulged himself with a boto divine at length made his appearance tle of his oldest port, which he had in the breakfast parlour, strangely about half consumed, and somewhat puzzled as to the extreme feverishuess recovered his spirits, ere his dear Mary and languor which oppressed him, he made her reappearance, and told him found Sophy sitting gravely in an armthat she was perfectly astonished at his chair, reading a treatise on craniology. conduct. And well miglit she say so, It was a pleasant thing for him to see for now, the wine, wbich he had been her read any thing, but he could not drinking with unusual rapidity, think help expressing his surprise by obser. ing, good easy man, that he had taken ving, "I should think that book a nothing all day, began to have a very little above your comprehension, my visible effect upon a body already sa dear.”_"Indeed ! sir," was the reply; turated with strong ale. He declared and the little girl laid down the volume that he cared not a fig for the good and sat erect in her chair, and thus opinion of any gentleman in the county,' continued : “ I should think, Mr Nithat he would always act and speak codemus Stanhope, that after the speaccording to his principles, and filled cimen of good sense and propriety of a bumper to the health of the Lord conduct, which you were pleased to Chancellor, and drapk sundry more exhibit yesterday, it scarcely becomes exceedingly loyal toasts, and told his you to pretend to estimate the comia
VOL. XXVI. NO. CLV.
prehension of others.”-“My dear," dirty work. Then, just to shew that said the astonished divine, « this is he was not afraid of any body, he cut very strange language! You forget a gap in the hedge of a small field of whom you are speaking to !"-“Not wheat which had just been reaped, at all,” replied the child. “I know my and was standing in sheaves, and thereplace, if you don't know yours, and ain by gave admittance to a neighbouring determined to speak my mind." If bull, who amused himself greatly by any thing could add to the Reverend tossing the said sheaves ; but more Mr Nicodemus Stanhope's surprise, it particularly those which were set apart was the sound of his wife's voice in as tythes, against which he appeared the garden, calling to his man John to to have a particular spite, throwing stand out of the way, or she should run them high into the air, and then bel. over him. Poor John, who was tying lowing and treading them under foot. up some of her favourite flowers, got But we must come to a close. Sufe out of her way accordingly in quick fice it to say, that the village of Stocktime, and the next moment his mis. well was long in a state of confusion tress rushed by, trundling a hoop, in consequence of these games; for the hallooing and laughing, and highly en mischief wbich was done during the joying his apparent dismay. Through period of delusion, ended not, like the out that day, it may be imagined that delusion itself, with the rising or setthe reverend gentleman's philosophy ting of the sun. was sorely tried ; but we are compelled, Having now related as many partiby want of room, to leave the particu- culars of these strange occurrences as lars of his botheration to the reader's our limits will permit, we have mereimagination.
ly to state the effect which they proWe are sorry to say that these were duced upon ourselves. Whenever we not the only metamorphoses which the have since beheld servants aping the mischievous old gentleman wrought in conduct of their masters or mistresses, the village of Stockwell. There was tradesmen wasting their time and moa game of teetotum played between a ney at taverns, clergymen forgetful of sergeant of dragoons, who had retired the dignity and sacred character of upon his well-earned pension, and a their profession, publicans imagining baker, who happened likewise to be themselves fit for preachers, children the renter of a small patch of land ad. calling their parents to account for joining the village. The veteran, with their conduct, matrons acting the hoy. that indistinctness of character before den, and other incongruities-whenmentioned, shouldered the peel,* and ever we witness these and the like octook it to the field, and used it for currences, we conclude that the actors loading and spreading manure, so that therein have been playing a game with it was never afterwards fit for any but the Old Gentleman's Teetotum.
REVIEW OF THE LAST SESSION OF PARLIAMENT.
The Parliament, which the Secre- in which they have become law. It is tary for the Home Department charac- not, however, our intention to conterises as having broken in on the Con- duct our readers through all the mazes stitution, has been arljourned ; and, of the late Parliamentary proceedings. although, during the continuance of Of these, many were more akin to the its deliberations, (its sittings rather,) debates of a parish vestry than to the there was little reason for suspending deliberations of a senate. Nor do we our judgment on the character of its conceive that much additional infor. proceedings, yet we feel more at liber- mation on the subjects of a free trade, ty now that the history of the entire and the great currency-question, can Session is before us, calmly to review be elicited from the most diligent enand record our opinion, as to the mea. quiry into the reported discussions on sures of late adopted by the legisla- these subjects, in which the assembled ture of this country, and the manner wisdom of the nation were pleased to
• “ Peel. A broad, thin board, with a long handle, used by bakers to put their bread in and out of the oven."-JOHNSON.
engage. The foreign relations of Great Our answer might be, that the public Britain, too, we are of opinion, so far mind cannot so far sink into forget as the lights cast by our Legislators have fulness and indifference of what Eng. fallen upon them, are exhibited in no land was and what she has become, yery amiable point of view; and are, for but for ourselves, we promise that the the greater part, suffered to remain in tendency of our reflections shall be that state of palpable obscurity, which less to exasperate than to control pois so stimulating to the speculatist, and pular irritation. We are quite ready in which he who looks for mystery or to confess, that we deprecate the coa surprise, has no reason to apprehend ming of that day, when Englishmen that his theories may not exist in safe shall be indifferent to national disho. ty until events have demolished them. nour; and would not more readily enIn short, the proceedings, and the re- counter all peril and disaster than ported deliberations, in the late Session make a league with iniquity; but now of Parliament, have been, for the great that the constitution of England is er part, of a nature to discourage all changed, and the time not arrived, men from seeking information in them, when it can be restored to its original except only such projectors as he who excellence, by exertions such as law expected that a ton of burnt paper, and reason will approve, we would not subjected to a process of distillation, willingly utter a syllable by which an would yield that inestimable liquid unnecessary pang might be sent to an the long-sought elixir vitæ.
honest heart, or the violence of pubBut the Parliament, which did so lic indignation be, in any degree, in. little to instruct the nation, has yet creased. If, therefore, we enter into had the privilege of breaking in upon some retrospects of the late Parliathe Constitution, and changing, fun, mentary proceedings, it is not with any damentally, the laws of England. In mischievous design, but because what Shakspeare's play of Henry the Sixth, we have to present, we do not wish when various warriors of the house of to utter with oracular arrogance; and York were eloquently descanting on are willing to recommend less by the their exploits, ihe crooked-back Rin weight of our authority than by the chard, who has been engaged in an arguments on which it shall be rested. action of more atrocious importance. This is the course pursued by all casts down among theastonished group modern prophets—they expect you to the head of the murdered King, and believe in their predictions, just in the bids it speak for him. As we have same proportions as they satisfy you passed the windows where the speeches that their knowledge of the past is of Burke, and Windham, and Fox, and correct. We imitate them ; and enother worthies of the former days, are ter into an examination of the conduct proudly paraded, we have remember of Parliament, not so much with a ed Richard's boast, and thought that view to expose the impolicy of their that Parliament of England which has measures, as to shew how far our own attempted no rivalry and renounced anticipations are justified by their prom all alliance of such mighty names, ceedings. may yet, for the enormous mischief of We shall endeavour to subdue every its former doings, challenge for ever rising emotion of disgust or abhoan undisputed pre-eminence in the an. rence—we shall control every throb of nals of this country.
indignation and disdain, by the reThe question of Catholic Emancimembrance of the mighty interests pation is now settled ; settled, we which have been wantonly set in peril mean, in the Irish fashion, as its evils - personal feelings, we have no doubt, have begun. It might, therefore, be will subside before such solemn asso. said, that it is one which it cannot be ciations, and we shall be nothing necessary to discuss. Argument can more than the mouth-piece through no longer avert, lamentation cannot which the events which have occurred serve to alleviate, the calamity which warn the nation of what is yet to be the nation has sustained. Why then expected. Under such impressions, not suffer the remembrance of such an we commence our remarks on the late evil to pass away, and why not leave Session of Parliament; let the reader the public mind to subside into acquie judge whether we keep our promise of escence with a state of things, which, truth and moderation. however undesirable, is inevitable . The most characteristic feature of