WIT AND SENTIMENT.

A SIMILE

Tender-handed stroke a nettle,
And it stings you for your pains
Grasp it like a man of mettle,
And it soft as silk remains.

"Tis the same with common natures
Use 'em kindly they rebel;
But, be rough as nutmeg-graters,
And the rogues obey you well.

Gov. TYLER V8. LOCKE.-In the collegiate days of Royal Tyler, late Governor of Vermont, he was called upon to recite from "Locke on the Understanding," and having failed to commit his recitation, was giving off-he knew not what--extempore, when the Professor interrupted him: "But we don't find that in the book." "I know it," said Tyler, "I did not agree with Mr. Locke, and thought I would give my own sentiments upon the subject."

"CHARCOAL.”

A few years since a person in Boston was applied to by a vender of charcoal to purchase some of his commodity. Being an inveterate wag he resolved to play a trick on one of his neighbours, and accordingly told the knight of the rueful visage that he would take two bushels of his coal. "Here," said he, "is the money. You see that store. with the large gilt sign over the door," pointing to the shop of a young dry goods dealer, who had just commenced business, it is there I wish you to leave it. But stop," added he, as the charcoal vender was about obeying his instructions, "my head clerk is rather a crabbed sort of a fellow, and has a foolish and inveterate dislike to charcoal. He will probably refuse to receive it. But pay no regard to what he says. I have paid you for it and must have it. If he makes a fuss, empty your basket on the door and go about your business."

The charcoal merchant entered, tottering under his load. The counter was strewed with fancy goods, the shelves lined with silks, cambrics, &c. and the owner of the shop and his clerks were busily employed in waiting on some fashionable ladies.

"Here is some charcoal which I was ordered to leave," said the dark visaged wight.

"Charcoal!" exclaimed the astonished shop-keeper, "I BEGGING."As you do not belong to my parish," said a want no charcoal. Take it out of my shop. Quick!" gentleman to a begging sailor with a wooden leg, "I can-like charcoal, but he paid me for it, and I must leave it. "Your master," returned ebony, "told me you did not not relieve you." Sir," replied the sailor, with an air of So tell me where to put it." heroism, "I lost my leg fighting for all parishes."

A SLEIGH RIDE-A horse, tired of waiting for his master. left him. sans ceremonie, and was making his way out of the village at a ten knot rate. A youngster observing this threw himself into the sleigh, and catching up the reins pulled away heartily. "But coming from so young a hand, the horse valued not a pin," but increased his speed like a mad 'un. The lad, after being carried about two miles, and vainly endeavoring to reduce the speed, finding the horse determined to proceed, rolled himself out into a snow bank in the most comfortable manner possible, and trudged away homeward, on foot, ever and anon muttering, "he'd be darn'd if he'd stop that horse agin if he did run away."-[N. H. Spectator.

"Take it out of my shop," thundered out the dealer of Be off." fashionables, in an imperative tone. "Is the man mad?

Uttering which words, he emptied the contents of the "Well, your master told me it would be so. Here goes." huge basket on the floor, to the great discomfiture of the ladies and the serious injury of the goods, and coolly walked off under cover of the cloud of dust which he had raised.-Transcript.

THE WAGS OUT WAGGED.

A well educated, but energetic farmer, in the western part of Massachusetts, is fond of going to market in the most ordinary dress, and appearing in the character of the most simple and ignorant bumpkin. Having gone to Boston with a load of butter, fowls, and other notions, he was met by some wags, who, taking him to be as raw and simple as he appeared, told him the best way of disposing of

RETORT.-When Pope Alexander the sixth demanded of the Venetian Ambassador Jerom Donatus, "of whom the Venetians held the rights and power of the sea?" he sharp-his load would be by auction. ly replied, "Let your holiness show me the charter of St. Peter's patrimony and you will read on the back the grant made to the Venetians of the Adriatic Sea.

ORIGINAL ANECDOTE-During the passage down Sound of one of our elegant steamboats, says a correspondent, the last summer, a gentleman not much accustomed to polished society, came so late to the dinner table, that he found it difficult to obtain a seat. He stood some time with hands in pocket, looking wishfully at the smoking viands. He was at last noticed by the captain, who relinquished to him his own chair and plate, when he commenced carving a pig that lay before him.

Having finished, he passed portions of the dish to all the ladies in his immediate neighbourhood, and then heaped a plate for himself. He soon perceived a lady who had not been served, and inquired if she would be helped to some pig? She replied in the affirmative, and he accordingly handed her the plate which he had reserved for himself. Her ladyship feeling her dignity somewhat of fended at so bountiful a service, observed with protruded lips, loud enough to be heard all around-" I don't want a cart load!" The gentleman, at her remark, became the object of attention to all at his end of the table, and determining to retort upon her for her exceeding civility, watched her motions, and observed that she had dispatched the contents of the plate with little ceremony. When this was accomplished, he cried out, "Madam, if you'll back your cart up this way, I'll give you another load!" N. Y. Gazette.

ignorant of marketing, having never been in Bostown be-
"Do you think so?" said he-" for my part, I'm darned
fore. Howsomever, if you think it's the best way, I'll do
nauxion?"
as you say. But how must I work it to sell my things by

Why," said they, "you must go to the city authorities and get an auctioneer's licence; and then you must strike off your goods to the lowest bidder."

"But this nauxioneer's licence," said the farmer, "will cost a plaguy sight of money, won't it? Hadn't I better hire a nauxioneer to sell the things for me?"

"Why perhaps you had," returned the wags: "but you you can sell your own goods." must get the privilege of acting as his deputy, and then

The farmer thanked them for their advice, and promised to follow it. Accordingly having made the preliminary arrangements, he exposed his goods at auction. The first thing he put up was a pair of fowls. The wags were at hand, and thinking there would be the more sport, and no hazard, in commencing with a high bid, one of them bawled out," Ten dollars

Before a second had time to bid lower the farmer cried out-"Once! twice! three times?-the fowls are yourn, Mister, by gaul."-N. Y. Constellation.

with a glow worm, has usually been considered a popu The notion of the Indian loxia lighting up its nest lar fable, but the conductors of the Library of Entertaining Knowledge state, that an informant of theirs, a gentlement long resident in India, tried various exAN OBEDIENT SERVANT.-When Alderman Gill died, his periments on the subject, and always found when he wife ordered the undertaker to inform the Court of Aldertook away the glow-worm out of a nest, that it was men of the event, which he did by writing as follows-"I replaced by the birds with another which was not used am directed to inform the court of Aldermen that Mr. Gill for food, but was stuck on the side of the nest with died last night by order of Mrs. Gill." clay for a lamp.

PATRONAGE.-A certain Irish lady opened al A PAIR OF OLD SNUFFERS.-There lived in the school in Dublin, at a period when unfortunately neighborhood of the Norfolk Laboratory a couit was not the fashion to patronize native talent. ple of old crones, who had indulged their proA handsome house in a fashionable street, a ser- pensity for snuff-taking to such a degree, that it vant in livery to open the door, and an interview had completely clogged up the passage through with the mistress, a well bred and educated wo- the head, so that they could not articulate a man, failed in obtaining a single pupil. What, word that contained an m, or an n, without givit will be asked, was the objection? simply the ing it the sound of b or d, and their upper lips lady's name. It was Mullins-and what young had become so besmeared with this powdered lady of ton could possibly avow that she had been weed, that it left the flesh coloured furrow uneducated by Mistress Mullins? Distress fol-der the partition of the nose, a completely imitalowed, and the unfortunate lady was obliged to tion of a gravel-walk. One morning as Mr. leave Ireland, and retire for a time to the conti- Cummings was passing their house to pursue nent; she there took the name of De Moulin, his daily labor at the laboratory, Mrs. Stone inand her affairs being settled returned to Dublin, quired of Mrs. Grimes, "Do you kdow who that where she again determined to open a school, are bad is that goes by here every bordidg?" under her new name and in the identical house "Law yes, Biss Stode; that's Bister Cubbidgs she had been obliged to quit, owing to her unfor- what works up to the arbitary." "Do! do!! Biss tunate real cognomen. Madame de Moulin now Gribes," answered Mrs. Stone, "you dod't bead appeared in large letters on a handsome brass the arbitary, you bead the labridore!" Ugh, plate on her door, a few advertisements brought well," said the other, beginning with a long stif visitors-every one was enchanted with her, led snuff, "I spose you kdow which is the bost Madame de Moulin became the rage, and the properist!”—Ded. Adv. same woman, who with a plain Irish name found it impossible to earn her bread, under a French name acquired a fortune.

A FACT.-A lady and her son being on a shopping expedition recently, were shown a piece of cloth which the salesman called invisible green; the goods were to their liking, and with the name they were particularly pleased; but the price was too great. Accordingly they proceeded to the next store, and having now learned what was fashionable, the first inquiry was made for miserable green-"Oh, no," interrupted the mother, "dismal green-Jacob, dismal green."-S. E. Post.

YANKEE TOAST.-"The Tree of Liberty; may its roots go down to the earth's centre, its lofty summit reach the skies, and its spreading branches shade creation. Such a tree would make an everlasting sight of shingles. It would set the world hobbling about in infinite space, and give creation a shake instead of a shade-scattering the democrats roosting in it all through the zodiac, among scorpions, bulls, and bears, who would be more terrified than when Phaeton tumbled among them with his daddy's double tandem.

A physician going down street with a friend of his, said to him," Let us avoid that pretty little woman you see there on the left, she knows me again and casts upon me looks of indignation. I attended her husband." "Ah! I understand, you had the misfortune to despatch him." "On the contrary," replied the doctor," I saved him."

A Connecticut Jonathan in taking a walk with his dearest, came to a toll bridge, when he, as honestly as he was wont to be, said, after paying his toll, (which was one cent,) "Come, Suke, you must pay your own toll, for jist as like as not I shant have you arter all."

Loss AND GAIN.-A man of wit once said, rightly enough, "He who finds a good son-in-law gains a son-he who finds a bad one, loses a daughter."

PAUSE BEFORE YOU FOLLOW EXAMPLE.-A mule, laden with salt, and an ass laden with wool, went over the brook together. By chance the mule's pack became wetted, and the salt melted, and his burthen became lighter. After they had passed, the mule told his good fortune to the ass, who, thinking to speed as well, wetted his pack at the next water, but his load became the heavier, and he broke down under it. That which helps one man may hinder another.

HUSSAR.-This name is of Hungarian etymology, and signifies "twentieth," the term being originally applied to a picked corps, formed by a selection of the finest men in every twenty taken from different regiments.

A clergyman, not quite a hundred miles from Edinburgh, preached a most edifying discourse on "Come and draw water out of the wells of salvation, without money and without price." On the following week some of his parishioners took the liberty of drawing water from a very fine spring well in the parson's garden, at which the learned divine was not a little nettled. Being reminded by the intruder, of his text and sermon, the reverend gentleman replied, "You may draw as much water as ye like from the wells of salvation, but if you come here again, and take my water, I'll send a bullet through you."

FEMALE AGILITY.-An ingenious Frenchman has calculated that the space which a young Parisian belle, who is fond of dancing, traverses in the saloons of Paris, when only performing contra dances, amounts in one season to four hundred miles! He has also estimated that a French lady fond of waltzing, will spin round in one night as often as the wheels of a steam-boat revolve, while performing the distance between Dover and Calais!

A student of medicine from Boston, while attending lectures in London, observed that the King's Evil had been little known in the United States since the Revolution.