Counsel for Pros. By no means. It 's easily cured. We'll send the constable with a Mandamus to his Grace's kennel. Pris. Counsel. They are fox hounds. Not the same species; therefore not his equals. I do not object to the harriers, nor to a tales de circumstantibus.

Counsel for Pros. That's artful, brother, but it won't take. I smoke your intention of garbling a jury. You know the harriers will be partial, and acquit your client at any rate. Neither will we have any thing to do with your tales.

Mat. No-no-you say right. I hate your tales and tale-bearers. They are a rascally pack altogether.

Counsel for Pros. Besides, the statute gives your worships ample jurisdiction in this case; and if it did not give it, your worships know how to take it, because the law says, boni est judicis ampliare jurisdictionem.

Pris. Counsel. Then I demur for irregularity. The prisoner is a dog, and cannot be triable as a man-ergo, not within the intent of the statute.

Counsel for Pros. That's a poor subterfuge. If the statute respects a man, (a fortiori) it will affect a dog.

Ponser. You are certainly right. For when I was in the Turkish dominions, I saw an Hebrew Jew put to death for killing a dog, although dog was the

aggressor.

Counsel for Pros. A case in point, please your worship. And a very curious and learned one it is. And the plain induction from it is this, that the Jew (who I take for granted was a man) being put to death for killing dog, it follows that said dog was as respectable a person, and of equal rank in society with the said Jew; and therefore-ergoand moreover That, said dog, so slain, was, to all and every purpose of legal inference and intendment, neither more nor less than—a man.

Court. We are all clearly of that opinion.

Counsel for Pros. Please your worships of the honourable bench. On Saturday the day of February inst. on or about the hour of five in the afternoon, the deceased Mr. Hare was travelling quietly about his business, in a certain highway or road leading towards Muckingham; and then, and there, the prisoner at the bar being in the same road, in and upon the body of the deceased, with force and arms, a violent

assault did make; and further, not having the fear of your worships before his eyes, but being moved and seduced by the instigation of a devilish fit of hunger, he the said prisoner did him the said deceased, in the peace of our lord of the manor then and there being, feloniously, wickedly, wantonly, and of malice aforethought, tear, wound, pull, haul, touzle, masticate, macerate, lacerate, and dislocate, and otherwise evilly intreat; of all and singular which tearings, woundings, pullings, haulings, touzleings, mastications, and so forth, maliciously inflicted in manner and form aforesaid, the said Hare did languish, and languishing did die, in Mr. Just-ass Ponser's horsepond, to wit, and that is to say, contrary to the statute in that case made and provided, and against the peace of our said lord, his manor and dignity.

This, please your worships, is the purport of the indictment; to this indictment the prisoner has pleaded not guilty, and now stands upon his trial before this honourable bench.

Your worships will therefore allow me, before I come to call our evidence, to expatiate a little upon the heinous sin, wherewith the prisoner, at the bar is charged. Hem! To murder,—Ehem— To murder, may it please your worships, in Latin, is-is-Murderare ;-or in the true and original sense of the word, Murder-ha-re. H-, as your worships well know, being not as yet raised to the dignity of a letter by any act of parliament, it follows that it plainly is no other than Murder-a-re, according to modern refined pronunciation. The very root and etymology of the word does therefore comprehend in itself a thousand volumes in folio, to show the nefarious and abominable guilt of the prisoner, in the commission and perpetration of this horrid fact. And it must appear as clear as sunshine to your worships, that the word Murderare, which denotes the prisoner's crime, was expressly and originally applied to that crime, and to that only, as being the most superlative of all possible crimes in the world. I do not deny that, since it first came out of the mint, it has, through corruption, been affixed to offences of a less criminal nature, such as killing a man, a woman, or a child. But the sense of the earliest ages having stamped hare-murder, or murder-ha-re, (as the old books have it,) with such extraordinary atrociousness, I am sure that

Just-asses of your worships' acknowledged and well-known wisdom, piety, erudition, and humanity, will not, at this time of the day, be persuaded to hold it less detestable and sinful. Having said thus much on the nature of the prisoner's guilt, I mean not to aggravate the charge, because I shall always feel due compassion for my fellow-creatures, however wickedly they may demean themselves.-I shall next proceed, with your worships' leave, to call our witnesses.-Call Lawrence Lurcher and Toby Tunnel.

Pris. Counsel. I must object to swearing these witnesses.-I can prove, they were both of them drunk, and non compos, during the whole evening, when this fact is supposed to have been committed.

Bottle. That will do you no service. I am very often drunk myself, and never more in my senses than at such times.

Court. We all agree in this point with brother Bottle.

[Objection overruled and witnesses sworn.]

Lurcher. As I, and Toby Tunnel here, was a going hoam to squire Ponser's, along the road, one evening after dark, we sees the prisoner at the bar, or somebody like him, lay hold of the deceased, or somebody like him, by the back, an't please your worships. So, says I, Toby, says I, that looks for all the world like one of 'squire Ponser's hares. So the deceased cried out pitifully for help, and jumped over a hedge, and the prisoner after him, growling and swearing bitterly all the way. So, says I, Toby, let's run after 'um. So I scrambled up the hedge; but Toby laid hold of my leg, to help himup ; so both of us tumbled through a thick furze bush into the ditch. So, next morning, as we was a going by the squire's, we sees the deceased in his worship's horse-pond.

self

Pris. Counsel. Are you sure he was dead?

Lurcher. Ay, as dead as my great grandmother.

Pris. Counsel. What did you do with the body?

Ponser. That's not a fair question. It ought not to be answered.

Lurcher. I bean't ashamed nor afeard to tell, not I. We carried it to his worship, squire Ponser; and his worship had him roasted, with a pudding in his belly, for dinner, that seame day. Council for Pros.

That is nothing to

the purpose. Have you any more ques tions for the witness?

Pris. Counsel. Yes, I have. Pray friend, how do you know the body you found was the very same you saw on the evening before?

Lurcher. I can't tell; but I'm ready to take my bible oath on't.

Pris. Counsel. That is a princely argument, and I shall ask you nothing farther.

Mrs. Margery Dripping, cook to his worship squire Ponser, deposed to the condition of the deceased.

DEFENCE

Prisoner's Counsel. Please your worships, I am counsel for the prisoner, who, in obedience to your worships' commands, has pleaded not guilty; and I hope to prove that his plea is a good plea; and that he must be acquitted by the justice of his cause. In the first place, the witnesses have failed in proving the prisoner's identity. Next, they have not proved the identity of the deceased. Thirdly, they do not prove who gave the wounds. Fourthly, nor to whom they were given. Fifthly, nor whether the party died of the wounds, if they were given, as supposed, to this identical hare. For, I insist upon it, that, because a hare was found in the squire's horse-pond, non sequitur, that he was killed, and thrown in by the defendant. Or, if they had proved that defendant had maliciously, and animo furioso, pursued the deceased into the horse-pond, it does not prove the defendant guilty of his death, because he might owe his death to the water; and therefore, in that case, the pond would be guilty; and if guilty, triable; and if triable, punishable for the same, and not my client. And I must say,(under favour,) that his worship would likewise be particeps criminis, for not having filled it up, to prevent such accidents. One evidence, who never saw the prisoner till now, nor the deceased till after the fact supposed to have happened, declares, he is sure the prisoner killed the deceased. And why? Because he is ready to take his bible oath on't. This is, to be sure, a very logical conviction.

Court. It is a very legal one, and that's better.

Pris. Counsel. I submit to your wisdoms. But I must conclude with observing, that admitting a part of the evidence to be true, viz. that the prisoner did meet

the deceased on the highway, and held some conference with him; I say, that supposing this, for argument sake; I do insist, that Mr. Hare, the deceased, was not following a lawful, honest business, at that late hour; but was wickedly and mischievously bent upon a felonious design, of trespassing on farmer Carter's ground, and stealing, consuming, and carrying off, his corn and his turnips. I further insist that the defendant, knowing this his felonious and evil machination, and being resolved to defend the property of his good friend and patron from such depredations, did endeavour to divert him from it. Which not being able to effect by fair means, he then was obliged to try his utmost, as a good subject and trusty friend, to seize and apprehend his person, and bring him, per habeas corpus, before your worships, to be dealt with according to law. But the deceased being too nimble for him, escaped out of his clutches, and tumbling, accidentally, in the dark, into his worship's horse-pond, was there drowned. This is, I do not doubt, 1 true history of the whole affair; and proves that, in the strictest construction of law, it can only be a case of per infortunium-unless your worships should rather incline to deem it a felo de se. Noodle. A fall in the sea! No such thing: it was only a horse-pond, that's clear from the evidence.

Pris. Counsel. Howsoever your worships may think fit to judge of it, I do humbly conceive, upon the whole matter, that the defendant is not guilty; and I hope your worships, in your wisdoms, will concur with me in opinion, and acquit him.

The Counsel for the Prosecution replied in a long speech. He contended that Mr. Hare, the deceased, was a peaceable, quiet, sober, and inoffensive sort of a person, beloved by king, lords, and commons, and never was known to entertain any idea of robbery, felony, or depredation, but was innocently taking the air, one afternoon, for the benefit of his health,when he was suddenly accosted, upon his majesty's highway, by the prisoner, who immediately, and bloody-mindedly, without saying a syllable, made at him, with so much fury in his countenance, that the deceased was put in bodily fear; and being a lover of peace, crossed the other side of the way: the prisoner followed him close, and pressed him so hard, that he was obliged to fly over hedge and

ditch with the prisoner at his heels. It was at this very juncture they were observed by the two witnesses first examined. The learned counsel further affirmed from circumstances, which he contended amounted to presumptive evidence, that, after various turnings and windings, in his endeavour to escape, his foot slipped, and the prisoner seized him and inflicted divers wounds; but that the deceased finding means to get away, took to the pond, in order to swim across; when the prisoner, running round the pond incessantly, prevented his escape: so that, faint and languishing under his wounds and loss of blood, the hapless victim there breathed his last, in manner and form as the indictment sets forth. He also alleged that, as Mr. Hare lived within his worship's territory, where there are several more of the same family, he could not, therefore, be going to farmer Carter's; for that would have been absurd, when he might have got corn and turnips enough on his worship's own ground. Can there, said the learned gen tleman, be a stronger, a weightier, a surer, a-a-a-?

Court. We understand you clear as crystal.

It is as

[Their worships in consultation.] Court. Has the prisoner's counsel any thing further to offer in his behalf? Pris. Counsel. Call farmer Carter. Pray, farmer Carter, inform the court what you know of the prisoner's life, character, and behaviour.

Carter. I have known the prisoner these several years. He has lived in my house great part of the time. He was always

sober

Court. Never the honester for that. Well, go on.

Carter. Sober, honest, sincere, trusty, and careful. He was one of the best and most faithful friends I ever knew. He has many a time deterred thieves from breaking into my house at night, and murdering me and my family. He never hated nor hurt any body but rogues and night-walkers. He performed a million of good offices for me, for no other recompense than his victuals and lodging; and seemed always happy and contented with what I could afford him, however scanty the provision. He has driven away many a fox that came to steal my geese and turkies; and, for taking care of a flock of sheep, there is not his equal in the county. In short, whenever he dies

I shall lose my best friend, my best servant, and most vigilant protector. I am positive that he is as innocent as a babe of the crime charged upon him; for he was with me that whole evening, and supped and slept at home. He was indeed my constant companion, and we were seldom or never asunder. If your worships please, I'll be bail for him from five pounds to five hundred

Court. That cannot be: it is not a bailable offence. Have you any thing else to say, Mr. Positive?

Carter. Say? I think I've said enough, if it signified any thing.

Bottle. Drag him away out of hearing. Carter. I will have justice! You, all of ye, deserve hanging more than your prisoner, and you all know it too.

Court. Away with him, constable.Scum of the earth! Base-born peasant! [Carter is hauled out of the court, after a

stout resistance.]

Court. A sturdy beggar! We must find out some means of wiring that fellow! The Counsel for the Prosecution prayed sentence of death upon the culprit at the bar.

Court. How says the statute? Are we competent for this?

Counsel for Pros. The statute is, I confess, silent. But silence gives consent. Besides, this is a case of the first impression, and unprovided for by law. It is your duty, therefore, as good and wise magistrates of the Hundreds of Gotham, to supply this defect of the law, and to suppose that the law, where it says nothing, may be meant to say, whatever your worships shall be pleased to make it.

Bottle. It is now incumbent upon me to declare the opinion of this high and right worshipful court here assembled.

Shall the reptile of a dunghill, a paltry muckworm, a pitch-fork fellow, presume for to go for to keep a dog-and not only a dog, but a dog that murders hures? Are these divine creatures, that are religiously consecrated to the mouths alone of squires and nobles, to become the food of garlic-eating rogues? It is a food, that nature and policy forbid to be contaminated by their profane teeth. It is by far too dainty for their robustious constituHow are our clayey lands to be turned up and harrowed, and our harvests to be got in, if our labourers, who should strengthen themselves with beef and ale, should come to be fed with hare, partridge, and pheasant? Shall we suffer our giants

tions.

to be nourished with mince-meat and pap? Shall we give our horses chocolate and muffins? No, gentlemen. The brains of labourers, tradesmen, and mechanics, (if they have any,) should ever be sodden and stupified with the grosser aliments of bacon and dumpling. What is it, but the spirit of poaching, that has set all the lower class, the canaille, a hunting after hare'sflesh? You see the effects of it gentlemen; they are all run mad with politics, resist their rulers, despise their magistrates, and abuse us in every corner of the kingdom. If you had begun hanging of poachers ten years ago, d'ye think you would have had one left in the whole kingdom by this time? No, I'll answer for it; and your hares would have multiplied, till they had been as plenty as blackberries, and not left a stalk of corn upon the ground. This, gentlemen, is the very thing we ought to struggle for; that these insolent clowns may come to find, that the only use they are good for, is to furnish provision for these animals. In short, gentlemen, although it is not totally clear from the evidence, that the prisoner is guilty; nevertheless, hanged he must and ought to be, in terrorem to all other offenders.

Therefore let the culprit stand up, and hearken to the judgment of the court.

Constable. Please your worship, he's up.

Bottle. Porter! Thou hast been found guilty of a most daring, horrible, and atrocious crime. Thou hast, without being qualified as the law directs, and without licence or deputation from the lord of the manor, been guilty of shedding innocent blood. In so doing, thou hast broken the peace of the realm, set at naught the laws and statutes of thy country, and (what is more than all these) offended against these respectable personages, who have been sitting in judgment upon thee. For all this enormity of guilt, thy life doth justly become forfeit, to atone for such manifold injuries done to our most excellent constitution. We did intend, in Christian charity, to have given some moments for thy due repentance, but, as the hour is late, and dinner ready, now hear thy doom.

Thou must be led from the bar to the end of the room, where thou art to be hanged by the neck to yonder beam, coram nobis, till you are dead, dead, dead! Hangman, do your duty.

Constable. Please your worships, all is ready.

Ponser. Hoist away, then, hoist away.

[Porter is tucked up.]

Mat. Come, it seems to be pretty well over with him now. The constable has given him a jerk, and done his business.

Bottle. He's an excellent fellow.

Ponser. The best informer in the whole county.

Bottle. And must be well encouraged. Ponser. He shall never want a licence, whilst I live.

Noodle. Come, shall we go to dinner? Bottle. Ay-he'll never course hares again in this world. Gentlemen, the court is adjourned.

EPITAPH,

[Exeunt omnes.

in British men,

Edward Long, esq. was called to the bar in 1757, and sailed immediately for Jamaica, where he, at first, filled the post of private secretary to his brother-in-law, sir Henry Moore, bart, then lieutenantgovernor of the island. He was afterwards appointed judge of the vice-admiralty court, and left the island in 1769. The remainder of his long life was spent in England, and devoted to literature. tious report of the case of "Farmer CarMr. Long's first production was the faceter's Dog Porter." He wrote ably on negro slavery, the sugar trade, and the state of the colonies; but his most distinguished work is "The History of Jamaica," in three quarto volumes, which contains a large mass of valuable information, much just reasoning, and many spirited delineations of colonial scenery and manners, and is almost as rare as the curious and amusing tract that has contributed to the preceding pages. He was born on the 23d of August, 1734, at Rosilian, in the parish of St. Blaize, Cornwall, and died, on the 13th of March, 1813, at the house of his son-inlaw, Henry Howard Molyneux, esq. M.P. of Arundel Park, Sussex, aged 79. Further particulars of his life, writings, and family, are in Mr. Nichols's "Literary Anecdotes," and the "Gentleman's Ma

vengeance

on British dogs!

Anno Dom. 1771. Requiescat in pace!

S. S.

This humorous "Trial" was written in consequence of "a real event which actually took place, in1771, near Chichester." The persons who composed the court are designated by fictitious names; but to a copy of the pamphlet, in the possession of the editor of the Every-day Book, there is a manuscript-key to their identity. The affair is long past, and they are therefore added in italics.

brief notice is extracted.

NATURALISTS' CALENDAR. Mean Temperature. . . 37 27.

February 9. St. Apollonia.

She is called, by Butler," the admirable Apollonia, whom old age and the state of virginity rendered equally venerable." He relates, that in a persecution of the Christians, stirred up by a certain poet of Alexandria," she was seized, and all her teeth were beaten out, with threats that she should be cast into the fire," if