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The wife of a tailor, a hand. for snuff as a luxury. Whether they some young woman, about six or were pleased at the discovery of their seven-and-twenty years of age, was abundance, or at the flattery that they considered dying when I entered the had no beards, I know not, but they room ; the fever was very high, and laughed very heartily, and never com. she somewhat rallied her strength. I plained afterwards.
Now here, my was standing at the bed-side; she made dear Eusebius, I borrowed a leaf out a tremulous sort of noise, that in a of your book, for in some such manfew seconds had a termination and ner you would have treated them. began again, and so on incessantly. And yet I never found that these little It was most like the cooing of a dove; familiarities in the least lessened reshe was all the while very busy mov- spect, or prevented seriousness, when ing about her tongue, and rolling the requisite, from having its due effect. saliva into little balls, like small shot, They were old stagers, and understood which she then passed over her lips in me very well, and always sent for me a very extraordinary manner. Her to settle their little disputes, and in all husband, poor man, was forced out of cases of emergency. the room at the moment that she fell One mumping old man would lie in back exhausted; I caught her as she fell, bed all day long, unless the weather and gently laid her head upon the pil was very fine ; and then he would get low. She, however, recovered. When up and go about the roads begging. I left the room, I found the ejected He was a white-headed old man, and husband lying along in the passage, would put on such a look of simplicity and listening to the smallest sound and respectability too, that showed he that might come from under the door. was formed by long habit for a mumWhen he saw me come out, he broke per. Long did he try, in vain, to forth, in an agony, “Oh, she is dead, excite a little more commiseration she is dead.” When I told him it was from the parish officers, trying hard not so, he rapidly again laid his ear to for an additional sixpence per week at the bottom of the door, that he might every parish meeting. The poor's. hear her breathe or speak. They house people sent in to me early one were both favourites with me and my morning to tell me that old William family.
had cut his throat. Before I went in The inmates of the poor's house al. I made some strict enquiries into the ways consider themselves more enti- case, which convinced me that it was tled than any others to the bounty and all sham, and to effect his purpose ; attention of the clergyman and and, in fact, there was no harm done, there is a familiarity established be- as none was intended.
When I entween the two parties, if the establish- tered the room, he was leaning back ment be not very large, that is by no on his bed, one or two good women means disagreeable. At first, indeed, holding his hands and applying a cloth they would all complain sadly of being to his neck, which had bled—a little. straightened by the parish; I am speak. He affected a fainting and miserable ing of their state under the old poor- look. I pretended not much to notice laws. But I think a little mirth, and him, and in rather an upbraiding voice, a light casy way of treating their ill- and very loud, asked the inmates how founded complaints, half-reasoning, they could think of preventing himand half-bantering, greatly tends to did they not know how much the paput them in good humour with their rish would have gained had he effected condition. I so treated half-a-dozen his purpose, at the same time giving old women in one of my early visits, them a look they well understood. The by calculating for them their expendi- mumper suddenly turned round his ture, and some of the items and their head to look at me, and forgot his wants were whimsical enough ; I then fainting doleful expression directly ; called in an old man before them, and and I shall never forget the look he calculated his expenditure to meet his gave me—it was one which told plainmeans—but, alas! there was a penny ly that he directly knew he was dea-week for shaving. I sent him out, tected, and it was succeeded by another and congratulated the old ladies (upon which seemed to beg that I wouldn't my word, a little against my con- betray him, and that he would do so science) that they had no beards, and no more. I often charged him with his consequently had the superabundance real purpose, and he could not deny over their wants of a penny a-week it. He never made another attempt.
A curious incident once occurred one to the other. I told the constable to me, of which I never was able to to remove them, and if unable, to go solve the mystery. I was sent for to for help. He refused, and said the a man supposed to be dying on the magistrate of the place would be very road. I went, and found a strong stout angry with him if he did, for it would fellow, by the road-side, apparently put the parish to expense. Constables in great pain. He was accompanied are not, however, always wanted ; by another man and a boy, but the thieves sometimes catch themselves, as boy rather attended to some donkeys the following incident will show :-A belonging to them than to the man; gentleman living not very far from me the donkeys carried saddle-bags. Í had his orchard repeatedly robbed, thought it a case of cholic, and sent to and bidding defiance to prohibitory the house for some spirits and water, acts, had an old man-trap repaired, and and remained, as did others of my set up in his orchard. The smith family, by the man until he was able brought it home, and there was a conto proceed. He told me he came from sultation as to which tree it should be some distance, and should pass by placed under; several were proposed, again in about a month. I was in- as being all favourite bearers, at last terested to knowing how he journeyed, the smith's suggestion as to the locus and begged him to call and I would quo was adopted, and the man-trap give him something ; but I never saw set. But the position somehow or him till six months after, when I met other did not please the master, and as hini crossing the churchyard. He did tastes occasionally vary, so did his, not know me-declared he never saw and he bethought him of another tree, me--never was in the parish before, the fruit of which he should like above “ Why are you then," said I, “ go- all things to preserve. Accordingly, ing through the churchyard, for scarcely had he laid his head upon his it is no high-road, and leads only to pillow when the change was deterplaces known to and frequented by mined on, and erelong the man-trap parishioners ?” he gave me a surly was transferred. Very early in the answer, and went on. I found his morning the cries of a sufferer brought donkeys on one side of the high-road master and men into the orchard, and at some distance from the churchyard, there they discovered— The Smith. and the same boy watching them. I It being unlawful to set man-traps much regretted, and regret still, I and spring-guns, a gentleman once hit did not contrive to find out what those upon a happy device.
He was a bags contained. I have my suspicions scholar, and being often asked the that stolen goods, and plate particular- meaning of mysterious words comly, are conveyed from place to place pounded from the Greek, that flourish by such means. It was not long after in every day's newspaper, and findthis that there was a discovery of a ing they always excited wonder by communication between some gangs their length and terrible sound, he had of thieves and of plate sent from one painted on a board, and put up on his distant city to another. If some of premises, in very large letters, the fol these carriers were watched, I cannot lowing—“ Tondapamubomenos set up but think that discoveries would in these grounds ;" it was perfectly a be made. Certainly if I had been “ Patent Safety.'
We had one great disposed to be active and scrutiniz- knave whom I often wished to catch ing on this occasion, I could have somehow or other, but I never could, placed very little trust in the con- though many a time I caught his stables—for one, a stout one too, hap- donkey. He kept a donkey and a pened to be in my house at work- cow, without any pretension to keep when three sturdy fellows in that dis. either. However, as they did his graceful state of more than half nu- work, and found him milk, he sent dity, which we sometimes see about them forth, as Lord John Russell does the roads, and why so suffered, I know his commissioners, to shift for themnot, came across my garden boldly up selves, and find free or make free to the window begging. I refused to quarters everywhere. He taught them give them any thing, when they inso- both to open gates with the greatest lently seated themselves on the grass facility ; but the cow was the most acplot before my window, folded their complished of the two; for where she arms, and passed insolent jokes from found good provisions, she not only
VOL. XLI. NO, CCLIX,
opened the gates, but had learned to shut monition, my clerk would not have them after her, that no other might troubled his head much about her. intrude : a neighbour of mine caught He had always a little of the nature her a dozen times, and declared his of contempt for the sex, and was field was of little use to him. The thoroughly possessed with the condonkey had a taste for orcharding, ceit of the vast superiority of his and the rascal at last became so de- own. I wanted to establish a school licate that he liked the smell of my and make him a teacher, and spoke to flower garden; and there, early in a him about terms: I thought he remorning, was he sure to be seen. He quired too much, and told him I thought has been driven out repeatedly, and I could employ a woman for much observed to open the gate as if it had less. “ A woman, sir!" said he, and been his own. The gate was tied, drew slowly back three steps, as much supposing that he must then be at a as to bid me look at him; and, by the non plus--not a bit of it. I have no by, as a touch of nature, I must obdoubt he went back to his master, and serve that such was the exact thing complained of being shut out; and that Hecuba does in Euripides, when though he could not then have opened she would have herself surveyed as a the gate, still when the blackbird picture, to see if any be so wretched. and thrush called me early to look Now, my clerk, I venture to say, had out of the window, there was donkey, never read and never will read a line his feet on the flower beds, smelling of the tragic poet ; so that it was pure flowers, and listening to the black- nature in him, and a proud nature too, birds. He was worthy for Mahomet – for he repeated his words with an to have ridden. Do not, however, emphasis of astonishment. “A wosuppose that we have a greater num- man, sir! I hope you do not compare ber of rogues than we are entitled to my abilities with those of any woman!" There is a pretty good scattering The good man was not then married. every where. A most provoking piece I think he has since discovered that of roguery occurred at a great funeral. they have more abilities than he gave The road not being in a good state, the them credit for. And as this reminds undertaker asked permission for the me of no bad reply of one of the Sohearse to go through my gate, and society of Friends to a banterer, I will through my orchard, by my stable; it tell it to you, Eusebius ; for it will, I was readily granted. Yet, in that short, am sure, from its gravity, set the musyet woful passage, they contrived cles that move the corners of your to steal a saddle. It is no wonder mouth into play. Friend Grace, it that I never heard of it more, for I seems, had a very good horse and a believe it was stolen by a mute. very poor one.
When seen riding While on the subject of stealing, I the latter, he was asked the reason will not omit to make mention of a (it turned out that his better half had poor girl who called upon me for ad- taken the good one). “ What,” said vice and for my prayers. She was, the bantering bachelor, “ how comes she said, under a temptation to steal; it you let mistress ride the better she never had done so, she said, but horse?" The only reply was—“Friend, she was always tempted by Satan so when thee beest married thee'llt know." to do.
She was a servant. Though I am always pleased with the sedate, I believed the poor girl to be labouring quiet manner of the “ people called under a delusion, I did as she required: Quakers," as the act of Parliament she attended the church on the follow- styles them, and can forgive their liting Sunday, and I offered the prayer tlé enmities to tithes and taxes. I for her as for a person in distress of know, Eusebius, you are inclined to mind; I saw her in great agitation laugh when you see them, and call during the service. She came to thank their dress coxcombry; but they are me some time afterwards, and said she changing that fashion. Yet there is thought Satan had left her. None nothing that I have been more amused knew the person for whom the prayer with than the ingenuity of one, in was offered but the clerk and myself. transferring the scandal of his own She had applied to him likewise, as temper upon the church: riding a demi-official. I desired him to say restive horse, his equanimity was disnothing about it; or the poor creature turbed, he dealt the animal å blow and might have been bantered out of her a word (which I must not write, but senses, But I think, without any adis usually written with a d and an n and a stroke between them), “d&c. lecture I gave him. “Oh, Samuel, thee," but, recollecting himself, he Samuel!" said I to him very freadded, “ as the church folks say." quently—“what will become of you?" Don't impatiently send me back upon On one occasion I told him he was my parish, Eusebius. Let me follow making himself a brute, and then only the current of my thoughts, and you was he roused to reply angrily, shall hear one more anecdote, though “ Brute, sir-no brute at all, sir—was I go to America for it, for it is cha- bred and born at T." But the racteristic, and then will I quietly incident, which would inevitably settle for the rest of the chapter, as have upset the equilibrium of your if Lord Brougham's strict Residence gravity, was this. I had given him Bill were in full force. I heard the many a lecture for being too late at anecdote from a gentleman long re- church, but still I could not make sident in Philadelphia. Two Quakers him punctual. One Sunday, as I in that place applied to their society, was reading the first lesson, which as they do not go to law, to decide in happened to be the third chapter, the following difficulty. A is uneasy first book of Samuel, I saw him run about a ship that ought to have arrive in at the church-door, ducking down ed, meets B, an insurer, and states his his head that he should not be noticed.
wish to have the vessel insured—the He made as much haste as he could . matter is agreed upon-A returns up into the gallery, and he had no
home, and receives a letter informing sooner appeared in the front, thinking him of the loss of his ship. What of nothing but that he might escape shall he do? He is afraid that the po- observation, than I came to those licy is not filled up, and should B words, “ Samuel, Samuel." I never hear of the matter soon it is all over can forget his attitude, directly facing with him-he therefore writes to B me. He stood up in an instant, leanthus :-“ Friend B, if thee hastn't ed over the railing, with his mouth filled up the policy thee needsn't, for wide open, and if some one had not I've heard of the ship.”—“ Oh, oh!” pulled him down instantly by the skirt thinks B to himself—“ cunning fel- of his coat, I have no doubt he would low--he wants to do me out of the have publicly made his excuse. premium.” So he writes thus to A :- I had another of these Trinculos, “ Friend A, thee be'est too late by who put a whole house into a terrible half an hour, the policy is filled." fright, and the silly fellow might have A rubs his hands with delight-yet met with a serious injury himself. B refuses to pay. Well, what is the One day his mistress sent him to a decision? The loss is divided between neighbour's, about two miles distant, them. Perhaps this is even-handed with her compliments, to enquire for justice, though unquestionably an odd the lady of the house, who had very decision. My dear Eusebius will ex- recently been confined.
The sot, tract the moral from a tale in which however, could not pass a hamlet that there is but little morality to be dis- lay in his way without indulging his covered. I am not surprised that the favourite propensity of paying his ancients had their words of omen. I respects to the public-house. When wanted to go straight back to my a drunkard loses his senses he is sure parish, and the word moral takes me to lose his time. The first he may back there as straight as an arrow, far recover, but never the last ; so it was straighter indeed than the Moral I with our Trinculo. When he came am going to speak of ever went when to himself, he bethought him of his once out of it. And if the circum- errand; but was perhaps totally unstance happened in your presence, conscious of the time lost, and had Eusebius, and in the church, as it did not quite sufficient senses to make enin mine, you know well you would quiry; and the stars he never contemmost sadly have exposed yourself. I plated; there were always so many had a servant with a very deceptive more than he could count. But to name, Samuel Moral, who, as if my neighbour's gate he found his way. merely to belie it, was in one respect He knocked, he beat, he rang, and the most immoral, for he was much he halloed--for now he did not like to given to intoxication. This of course waste time—and it was two o'clock in brought on other careless habits ; and the morning. The inmates were all as I wished to reclaim him, if possible, in confusion. “ Thieves ! fire!" was I long bore with him, and many a the general cry. Some ran about half clad—some looked out of window choice thus singularly made. She dogs barked, and women howled. The fell into his ways—had a good voice, master took his blunderbuss, opened and joined him in many a hymn—thus the window, and called out stoutly, manifesting their happiness and their ~ Who's there! who's there!” Trin. thanks, while he was busy about his culo answered, but not very intelli- work, and she rocked the cradle. I gibly. At last the master of the represent them as I saw them, and I house dresses, unbolts and unbars his doubt not their whole life was condoors, and with one or two men-ser- formable to the scene. vants behind, boldly walks down the There was another widower, whose lawn-path to the gate.
66 What's the cottage was within a few fields of us, matter—who are you?” Trinculo that was not so very disinterested. He stammers out, “ My master and mis- was a labouring man, and had his tress's compliments, and be glad to little income, a pension, and, for a know how Mrs and her baby
labouring man, was pretty well off. is.” Yet, upon the whole, I have I had attended his wife in her last ill. little reason to complain of my do- ness, who, by the by, was the ugliest mestics. The very bad do not like woman I ever beheld. This man cast to enter a clergyman's family. Indeed his eyes, if not his affections, upon the my female servants have had so good rather simple daughter of an old man a name for all proprieties, that this who was then hind to a gentleman, circumstance alone led to the very had kept a dairy, and was supposed comfortable settlement of one of them, to have saved a little money.
The and I think that event has been a re- daughter was about thirty-upon her commendation to the house ever he cast his eye—and as her eye had a since.
slight cast too—they met—and a court. One evening as tea was brought in, ship commenced—the whole progress I heard a half-suppressed laugh in of which she very simply told to her the passage, and observed a simpering mother-in-law, and her mother-in-law strange look in the servant's face as brought it to the parsonage.
The the urn was put on the table. The man, it seemed, wanted sadly to know cause was soon made known; it was if she would bring him any thing, and a courtship, and a strange one. A in a thousand ways, with all his invery decent-looking respectable man, genuity, did he twist it, but never about thirty-five years of age, who could arrive at the point, and lie dared carried on some small business in a not be too explicit for fear of offending neighbouring town, a widower, and a the old father. May be," said he, Wesleyan, knocked at the door. He we might keep a cow ?" No answer. was then a perfect stranger. The May be, with a little help somehou', man-servant opened it. "I want," we might rent a field ?" No answer. said the stranger," to speak with one “ May be, with summut added to of Mr 's female servants."- what I've got?" A pause—no answer. “ Which?"_" Oh, it doesn't signify “ May be your father might spare :" which." The announcement
No answer. The man's patience made in the kitchen. " I'm sure I could hold out no longer, he let go won't go,” says one ; " Nor I," says her arm, and looking at her angrily, another. “ Then I will," said the said 5 Domm it, have a got any nurse, and straight she went to the money?" And what said she?-nothing. door. “ Do you wish to speak to me, “ If thee beest so stupid," added he, sir?"
“ Yes, I do," said the after a bit, “I must go to thee stranger. - I am a widower, and I faather.” The father, I suppose, gave hear a very good character of Mr something, for the loving couple mar
's servants. I want a wife, and ried. O Love, Love! what is it, and you will do very well.”. -“ Please to what is it not, in this working, and walk in, sir," said nurse. In he this unworking world. The business walked, and it was this odd circum- of it—the pleasure of it-the pain of stance that caused a general titter. it—the universal epidemic, but how But the man was really in earnest- various in its operation in our difin due time he married the woman ; ferent natures. It is a raging feverand I often saw them very comfortable a chill—an ague—the plague-some and happy in the little town of
it makes sober—some it drives madand I verily believe they neither of some catch it ---some breed it - in them had any reason to repent the some it bears fruit naturally-in others