see? Bob got a wife: and that's all. She's a sweet girl though-loves to be squeezed damnably-used to squeeze her myself-kissed her before ever Bob did-shouldn't mind it now if I had an opportunity. Old Stump had seven daughters-fine girls-slippery jades some of them all married but one-she's the oldest wrinkled as a witch-cross as damnationknows she must lead apes in hell-fond of cats now-cats fond of her too-birds of a feather -Zounds! how I used to romp with these girls -can tell you a damned good story about one of them: One day "O curse the story," cried we, quite exhausted, "will you never have done with old Stump and his daughters? But Dick, my dear fellow, you must excuse me at present. Some other time I will hear the rest of your adventures: this evening I am particularly engaged." But Gabble seized us by the breast of our coat and swore bitterly we should not move till he had finished his story. The gods themselves, some ancient writer observes, are subject to necessity: and a savage, - magna si licet componere parvis --who resides in a civilized country, must learn to dissemble his feelings, and wear a smile on his countenance while anguish preys on his heart. We saw the necessity of yielding to circumstances, but could not forbear exclaiming in the words of Horace when persecuted by an impudent babbler in the streets of Rome : Huccine solem Tam nigrum surrexe mihi! But we reflected on a saying of Socrates, when tormented by the humors of his termagant wife: "We all have our respective misfortunes; and he is a happy man who can complain of none greater than this." Having thus sagaciously subdued our rising emotions, we requested little Gabble to finish the recital of his adventures. So sir, as I was preparing to come away, Bob Jockey made his appearance. Not having seen each other for some months, we conversed a few minutes on various matters. He told me that a mad dog had bitten several of his cattle, and Never mind the mad dog. If you wander so often from the track, you never will arrive at the end of your journey." Faith sir, the story about the dog is a very curious story, and ought to be universally known; but I'll pass it over for the present. Well sir, Bob called for a glass of brandy and water, and asked me to drink, you see. complied: for I like to be social and friendly don't you, Piomingo ? I "Yes. Proceed." When we had finished the glass, I called for another-I couldn't be worse than a bad fellow, you see-no, no, that would never do: one : good tuin deserves another. Dick Gabble will pay his part wherever he goes. I hate a sneaking sponging devil: don't you, Piomingo ? Certainly. Proceed." Well sir, we had three or four glasses-I don't exactly remember how many thoughprobably half a dozen-say half a dozen glassLet me see first he had one, than I had es. another, and "Never mind: say half a dozen." Very well sir: we'll say half a dozen. And so sir, by this time you see sir, we grew pretty warm, you see; and Bob began to brag of his horses. Bob has some little knowledge of horse flesh-not much though-knows enough to be roguish-would be a damned rogue if he could. "There's my little horse at the gate," says Bob, says he, "he can beat any thing, for a quarter, in the thirteen United States of Pennsylvania, carry weight for size, I'll be dee"I'll run you,' doubly damned if he can't." says I, "a quarter, my black filly against your horse, for five dollars, not if you will, but if you dare," says I. "Done," says he, you carry a hundred weight to a catch.” "A catch, upon each," says I, "smack my hand if you dare." "Done." says he, " by G-," says he, "poney down your dust-fetch out your mare." "Done," says I, "hell to the flincher." Out to the race ground-every thing readyjudges appointed-go-" The black filly had the start," says one," The horse gains," says another "Ten dollars on the horse," says Tom Stubbs; say done, and it's a bet." Done," says Bill Grubb, "If I don't win I'll be damned." "She handles her feet dacently," says Paddy O'Blather.-"Two to one on the "two to one on mare," says young Dobbins, the mare. I'll give you two hundred dollars for the black filly, Gabble-'Gad she's foremost let's go and see how it is." Judges, how is the race?" "The filly came out first." "How much?" "A length." "She had the start," says Bob. Only a neck," says I; "but let the judges determine; we have nothing to say in the business," says I. That's my way, Piominge: I'm fair and above board with every thing. I practise_none of your sneaking quirks and tricks: I'm above itI'm above it, you see. 66 66 "Well, what said the judges?" They gave it in my favor. O, I won it sleek enough; but what do you think? When I went to the man who held the stakes, “give me the money," says I. "He shan't," says Bob; "I didn't lose it," says he. "I'll have it, by G-," says I. "Damned if you shall," says he. "Didn't the judges give it in my favor?” says I. They were partial," says he. "And you won't pay it ?" says I. "No," "You're a damned rascal," says I. he. says "You're a damned liar," says he. Smack I took him, between the lug and the horn, as Julius did the bull-down he fell-and I upon him. The damned rascal, to give me the lie! By G- sir, no man shall give me the lie with impunity. I didn't care the hundredth part of a damn for the money; but when a fellow goes to jockey me, d'ye see ?-and gives me the lie to boot, d'ye see? I'd fight sir, by the god of war, I'd fight for the thousandth part of a cent, 1 would. My name's Dick Gabble -I'm not ashamed of my name. I may be whipped; but I can't be cowed-can't, can'tdamn me, it's impossible: there's no such thing in nature. I'm but a little fellow; but I wouldn't turn tail to never a man that broke the bread of life, 1 wouldn't: not I. "Did you flog him?" No: they parted us-I'd have licked him like damnation, if they hadn't parted us-did give him a damned black eye-didn't hurt me at all-didn't get a scratch-takes a damned smart fellow to scratch me, I tell you. "You are an active little dog, I dare say.” That I am am indeed-got a strong arm, I tell you. Then, I have such springs-.Gad! I'm as quick as lightning. A fellow has need to have all his eyes about him when he's got me to deal with, you see; if he hasn't I'll be damned. "Then you are spirited also." True blue, by G! I'd fight the devil and all his imps.-Roar thunder, blaze hell, blow damnation! here 1 am, Dick Gabble for ever! "You knocked him down the first stroke, did you?" Yes, yes, I did; damme if I didn't, sir; like a shot, sir. Hold here, Piomingo, I'll show you how I took him the first clip. "There is no necessity for an example, understand it perfectly. What! do you mean to strike me?" Just give you a light touch, Piomingo, to show you how I took him-won't hurt youdamn it, don't be afraid-won't hurt you, 'pon my honor-won't, 'pon my soul-wouldn't hurt you for the world. Just so. "Hands off, you puppy! hands off!" 66 Why sir, I'll tell you how it was sir: We agreed to leave the whole affair to a reference: and what do you think was the award? "I cannot tell." Why sir, they awarded that every man should have his own money; that each of us should pay a dollar for something to drink; and that we should shake hands, d'ye see, and be friends. 'Twas hard-damned hard; but I never bear malice. I'm the best tempered creature in the world: indeed, I'm too goodnatured: I suffer myself to be imposed upon it's my weakness: I can't help it: it's natural So sir, you see sir, we repaired to the house sir, and drank like Cæsars. Shall I tell you the truth, sir? to me. "You give thanks for one thing, and I for another: you-because you have completed your journey; and I-because your story is ended." You should thank me for that. But zounds, how I spend my time: I have a hundred things to do this very evening-indeed I have-upon my word, sir. Next time I see you, I'll explain the business more fully--give you several other interesting particulars. So having said, little Dickey strutted off with an air of infinite importance. The everlasting babbler might have answered our question in the following words: "I got drunk, and could not return until I became sober." What think ye, gentle readers, of the civilized Gabble? shall we apologize for introducing such a character to your notice? or will you apologize for having such a character among you? Dick Gabble is no creation of ours: perhaps we should make an apology to him, for omitting a multitude of his oaths. Scandal. Hic nigre succus loliginis, hæc est Scandal is generally spoken of as if she were a female. We cannot give any information concerning her sex; but we have as often seen her in male, as in female attire. We lately fell into company with a number of gentlemen, with some of whom we had the honor of being acquainted; or, to speak more correctly, some of whom had the honor of being acquainted with us. Robert Steady, Frank Fluent, George Toper, Charles Lavish, Jack Flash, Will Braggart, and Timon Crabtree, were the only persons present of whom we had any previous knowledge; but there were several others, with whose names we became acquainted during the course of the evening: Peter Poison, Simon Specious, Samuel Pliant, and Ralph Penniless. We all formed but one company, and were seated very closely together; but, if our conjectures be not erroneous, it was the pleasing warmth of a fire, and not the attraction of love or brotherly kindness that brought us into contact. Winter calls men together, and compels them to be social; when it is probable if Well sir, the fact is this, sir: I got drunk, they were at hberly to consult their own insir-dead drunk-they carried me to bed; and clinations, they would prefer being separate. "If you please." N Men become more polished and civilized in the delighted mortal discovered his felicity by the winter than they are in the summer: for, his fidgeting embarrassment, and by the awk being forced into company, their mutual de. ward complacency which spread itself over his pendence is increased, and their asperities are countenance. rubbed off by the continual friction they find it necessary to suffer. Every one assumes the character in which he wishes to appear, and sedulously endeavors to hide the natural bent of his disposition: nature is banished with violence; and affectation is the order of the day. There was a young fellow present who seemed to have formed a high estimate of his colloquial powers, as he frequently evinced an anxiety to join in the conversation; but, alas! his coat had suffered by the ravages of time, and his shirt looked out at the elbows. His waistcoat was threadbare; his linen was none Among those whom chance had brought of the cleanest; and his boots appeared never together on the present occasion, there was one to have formed an acquaintance with blacking: who attracted a considerable share of our at- his whole appearance proclaimed, what we are tention. He was about five feet six inches all solicitous to conceal-want. How should high,well formed; and his features were rather such a man make a judicious observation? delicate than otherwise. He was extremely The thing was impossible. Yet he was not to complaisant to those with whom he conversed; be discouraged by all these disqualifying cirand his visage exhibited continually a sickly cumstances; but continued to take advantage simpering smile; which was not however of every pause in the conversation by endeasufficient to conceal the characters of malevo- voring to edge in a word of his own. For a lence and envy which were written in his countenance. His words were smooth as oil: they dropped from his lips as "honey from the green oak," yet we could not help suspecting that the poison of asps was under his tongue, Frank Fluent, who sat near us, perceiving who it was that excited our observation, whispered in our ear "that is Peter Poison, of Bohon Upas Grove, esq." The conversation, as is usual in mixed companies, was of a desultory nature: One subject was scarcely introduced till it was supplanted by another. Sometimes we paid the strictest attention to the speaker; and sometimes we interrupted him with observations of our own. Sometimes, in the ardor of disputation, we all spoke at once, and again awed by the import. ance of the personage who was delivering his sentiments, we listened, with silent submission, to the wisdom that flowed from his lips. When we say all, we would be understood to except Timon Crabtree; who continued silent, gnawing the head of his cane and viewing the company with alternate emotions of contempt and indignation. Sometimes he smiled; but smiled in such a sort As if he mocked himself and scorned his spirit, That could be moved to smile at any thing, When Mr. Steady (whose easy manners and elegant habiliments indicated the enjoyment of luxury and the possession of wealth) thought proper to make an observation, Conticuere omnes, intentique ora tenebant: with greedy ears, open mouths, end upraised eyelids, we devoured the sweet intelligence as the Israelites devoured the quails in the wilderness, or the manna that was sent down from heaven. When he smiled, we smiled; when he attempted to be witty, we were all convulsed with immoderate laughter; and, when he expressed his surprise at any circumstance, Good God! burst simultaneously from the lips of every one in the assembly. When he addressed himself particularly to any individual, long time, we paid not the slightest attention to his remarks; but some of us, at last, provoked at his intrusive perseverance, turned round and regarded him with a stare of superci lious amazement. After some time had been spent in this manner, Mr. Steady, observing that he had some business that required his attention, rose up and took his leave of the company. He was scarcely gone when Mr. Poison introduced the following conversation: that he never suffers pleasure to interfere with Poison. It may be observed of Mr. Steady, his business. He is a cheerful companion ; his countenance is pleasing and his manners agreeable. I have known him ever since he was a boy, and I feel for him sentiments of I cannot but wonder how it happens that he the sincerest and most durable friendship: yet, the discussion of political or philosophical subsuppose himself qualified to engage in jects. He may occasionally make a judicious observation; but he never was known to deduce any logical inferences, or to connect should together a series of causes and effects. His opinions, as well as his estate, have descended to him by inheritance; and it is probable they will be transmitted in the same manner to his son, without their having suffered any waste or derangement in their passage through the mind of their present possessor. If man be correctly defined a reasoning animal, Mr. Steady must no longer lay claim must, however, be acknowledged that if he to the appellation: for he never reasons. It tation: and although he fails of producing con never conquer, he is never overcome in dispuviction in the minds of others, he always preserves his own opinions inviolate. Pliant. Your observations are just, Mr. Poison. Steady's mind is so well fortified by prejudice, that he laughs at the clearest axioms with all their host of unavoidable consequences; he despises the tropes and figures of rhetoric; and bids defiance to all the syllogistic artillery of the schools. Poison. True, Mr. Pliant: there he has the advantage of us: our opinions must be supported by reason, otherwise they fall; but this gentleman's upper works are impregnable, absolutely impregnable. Specious. Notwithstanding his intellectual weakness, his conduct appears to be regulated by the strictest rules of propriety; and he is universally allowed to be just and honorable in his dealings. Alas! what is reason? It is rather a meteor that leads us astray, than a ·་ a lamp to direct our feet through the wilderness of life!" A man can do as well without it. Poison. I do believe, at least I hope, that Mr. Steady is perfectly honest; but, a man can hardly be so correct in his conduct, but that there will be some whisperings to his disadvantage. I should be sorry to give credence to any story that might be circulated to the injury of Mr. Steady's reputation; but it has been intimated to me, in the way of confidence, that there was some little underhand work in the settlement of old John Rich's estate. Mr. Steady, you know, was sole executor: I hope the orphans had no cause of complaint, though there appears to be some mystery in the transaction. Indeed, I had all the particulars of the affair from a person who had every opportunity of being acquainted with the circumstances. I am not at liberty to mention the particulars; and I am by no means disposed to promote the circulation of any story that might have a tendency to sully the fair fame of my friend. Crabtree. When Mr. Steady were present, gentlemen, you servilely received his sentiments as emanations from the oracle of truth: you praised the acuteness of his perception, the correctness of his reasoning, the solidity of his judgment, and the brilliancy of his wit; but the moment he is gone, you pronounce him a fool: and not satisfied with that, you endeavor to blacken his character. How inconsistent such procedure! how dastardly such conduct!. Poison. If you allude to me, Mr. Crabtree, I cannot do otherwise than express my surprise at what you have said. Mr. Steady, as I said before, is my particular friend, and I was merely expressing my regret that the censorious world, you understand me, should cast aspersions of this nature Crabtree. Yes, I understand you very well: conscious of your own depravity, you enviously endeavor to disparage every thing that has the appearance of excellence. Poison. Mr. Crabtree, do you mean to insult me? Crabtree. Yes. Poison. You wrong me, indeed you do so far from contributing to injure the fame of Mr. Steady, I would willingly defend his character from the attacks of malevolence. Crabtree. If you be his friend, let him alone; the snail, wherever it crawls, leaves a portion of its slime. Poison. Pray,why should you, Mr. Crabtree, who profess to hate all the world, undertake the defence of Mr. Steady? Crabtree. It is not respect for him, but detestation of you, which occasions my displeasure. Yes, I hate all the world, but particu larly sycophants and slanderers. Poison. Do you hate yourself? Crabtree. Yes. Poison. Why? Crabtree. Because I am a man: because I bear the same shape with such a poisonous reptile as you. Poison. Rail away, Mr. Crabtree, your snarling makes no impression upon me. Crabtree. No? well then I will try to make an impression with my cane. So saying, he raised his knotty cudgel, and was proceeding to lay it across the shoulders of the delicate Poison; who exclaimed with a loud voice, "I am a justice of the peace: strike me if you dare!" when the company interfered and prevented the perpetration of mischief. We could perceive, by their countenances, that Charles Lavish, George Toper, Jack Flash, and Will Braggart, were much dissatisfied with our conduct in quelling the distur bance; from which they had promised themselves considerable entertainment; being disappointed in their expectation, they thought proper to leave the company and look for amusement in some other quarter. Frank Fluent, willing to see if the late re buff had effected a reformation in Poison, thought proper to renew the conversation. Frank. Are you acquainted with Lavish, Mr. Poison? Poison. I have known him from a child. He once owned a very pretty property; but he has ruined himself by his folly and extravagance. Five years ago, he was a man of substance; but, by his gambling and dissipation, he has reduced himself to beggary. Frank. He owns, I think, several houses in the city at present. At Poison. There are several houses which may sometimes be called his; but they are mort gaged for more than they are worth. present he owns nothing, less than nothing: he has contracted debts which he can never repay. Frank. What think you of Toper? Poison. Ah, poor George! it makes me melancholy to think on the race he has run! Would you believe it, Mr. Fluent? This man, a few years ago, was respected by every one who knew him. He was well educated, possessed uncommon abilities, and was every way qualified to make a figure in life; but now he is a confirmed drunkard, scarcely recovering from one fit of intoxication before he plunges into another. Is it not a great pity, gentles men? Pliant. A great pity indeed, Mr. Poison. selves? Poison. I am really sorry for Toper's misfortune: he is an enemy to nobody but himself. There, too, are Jack Flash and Will Braggart: the first is a handsome fellow; but he bears his whole fortune on his back: and the second is an agreeable companion; but an intolerable liar he never, unless it were by accident, told a word of truth in his life. Crabtree. Mr. Poison, I am going away in order to give you an opportunity of scattering a little more of your venom. As soon as Poison perceived that Crabtree had actually departed, he proceeded as follows: "I cannot conceive why Crabtree should make me the particular object of his enmity; but it is, probably, because he knows it is in my power to mention some circumstances which are not generally known." Specious. You allude to the affair a that made some little noise some time ago a- you know what I mean. Poison. Yes, yes, (nodding, and winking, and smilling) I believe I do: I heard the whole story immediately after the transaction took place. Pliant. Ah! there was some whispering. Poison. It was an ugly affair; but I hope that nothing. I have said will be mentioned again. Possibly it was not as bad as it was represented: I should be sorry, however, that any one had it in his power to circulate such a story concerning me. As to Crabtree's rude and unmannerly observations, I treat them with contempt. Pliant. He is a brute. Specious. He is not fit to live a civilized country. will accede to every thing you say. Gentlemen, I wish you a good evening, Frank. Poison is gone; the whole company has dispersed: and we have done wisely in keeping our posts until the time of his departure. Had we gone away sooner, we should have suffered from the lash of his malevolent tongue: he would have passed some slight commendations on Piomingo and Frank; and then would have followed his malignant and poisonous But: he never was known to bestow praise on any one save for the purpose of introducing slander. Hic niger est: Hunc, tu Romane, caveto. Peace. "How long," said a pious religionist, "shall How long the earth be afflicted by war? shall man rise up against man, and cover the fair fields of creation with carnage and destruction? When shall the olive of peace extend its branches over the earth, and the sons of men seek repose under its widespreading shade? When shall the time come in which "swords shall be beaten into ploughshares, and spears into pruning hooks, when nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more?" I have seen burned cities, desolated fields, and impoverished families: I have heard the groans of the father when deprived of his son, the support of his age: 1 have witnessed the despair of the mother, when bereaved of the delight of her eyes and the joy of her life: I have heard the frantic cries of the widow, and have seen the tears of the orphan: I have beheld the decrepit soldier oppressed with age and covered with wounds, begging a wretched support at the doors of the opulent :-"This is thy work, Q war! these are thy fruits, O ambition !" What then, we demanded, is peace' Do so. ? Having wearied themselves with winks, nods, hints, smiles, shrugs, knowing looks, and 'Peace," said our friend, "is the absence a variety of crooked insinuations, Messieurs of war: Where there is no contention, no Specious and Pliant took a ceremonious leave, strife, no opposition, there is peace. Peace is I cannot tellexpressing the highest degree of friendship love: it is harmony it is rest. and respect for Mr. Poison; who, on his part, you what it is; but it is no less excellent on gave them a pressing invitation to visit him at account of my inability to define it. A modern Bohon Upas Grove, assuring them that not only poet has wrtten a beautiful hymn to peace: he himself, but Mrs. Poison and all the family shall I read it?" would be delighted at such an occurrence; and think themselves honored in contributing « Hail, holy peace, from thy sublime abode, to the amusement of gentlemen so dearly be- Mid circling saints that grace the throne of God! loved and so highly respected. Before his arm, around our embryon earth, Stretched dim the void and gave to nature birth, Ere morning stars his glowing chambers hung, Or songs of gladness woke an angel's tongue, Veiled in the splendors of his beamful mind, In bless'd repose thy placid form reclined, And traced and toned his universe of thought. Lived in his life, his inward sapience caught, Borne through the expanse with his creating voice Thy presence bade the unfolding worlds rejoice, Led forth the systems on their bright career, Shaped all their curves and fashioned every sphere, Frank. These gentlemen, who have just left you, are, it seems your particular friends, Mr. Poison ? Poison. Yes: we have long been in habits of intimacy. Specious is a fine man, a very fine man indeed; but smooth water is deep: he would have no objections to practise a little roguery, if it could be done snugly in a corner. As to Pliant, he is a good sort of a man; but the creature has no opinion of his own: he |