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And truly, to support that charge,

Only to shew with how small pain He had supplies as vast and large;

The sores of Faith are cur'd again; For he could coin or counterfeit

Although by woful proof we find New words, with little or no wit;

They always leave a scar behind. Words so debas'd and hard, no stone

He knew the seat of Paradise, Was hard enough to touch them on;

Could tell in what degree it lies, And when with hasty noise he spoke 'em,

And, as he was dispos'd, could prove it The ignorant for current took 'em;

Below the moon, or else above it; That had the orator, who once

What Adam dreamt of, when his bride Did fill his mouth with pebble stones

Came from her closet in his side; When he harangu'd, but known his phrase, Whether the devil tempted her He would have used no other ways.

By a high Dutch interpreter; In mathematics he was greater

If either of them had a navel; Than Tycho Brahe or Erra Pater;

Who first made music malleable: For he, by geometric scale,

Whether the serpent, at the fall, Could take the size of pots of ale;

Had cloven feet, or none at all : Resolve by sines and tangents straight

All this, without a gloss or comment, If bread or butter wanted weight;

He could unriddle in a moment, And wisely tell what hour o'th' day

In proper terms, such as men smatter, The clock does strike, by algebra.

When they throw out, and miss the matter. Beside, he was a shrewd philosopher,

For his religion, it was fit And had read ev'ry text and gloss over;

To match his learning and his wit; Whate'er the crabbed'st author hath,

'Twas Presbyterian true blue; He understood b'implicit faith :

For he was of that stubborn crew Whatever sceptic could enquire for,

Of errant saints, whom all men grant For ev'ry why he had a wherefore;

To be the true church militant; Knew more than forty of them do,

Such as do build their faith upon As far as words and terms could go;

The holy text of pike and gun; All which he understood by rote,

Decide all controversies by And, as occasion serv’d, would quote;

Infallible artillery; No matter whether right or wrong;

And prove their doctrine orthodox They might be either said or sung.

By apostolic blows and knocks ; His notions fitted things so well,

Call fire and sword, and desolation, That which was which he could not tell,

A godly thorough Reformation, But oftentimes mistook the one

Which always must be carry'd on, For th' other, as great clerks have done.

And still be doing, never done; He could reduce all things to acts,

As if religion were intended And knew their natures by abstracts;

For nothing else but to be mended: Where Entity and Quiddity,

A sect whose chief devotion lies The ghosts of defunct bodies, fly;

In odd perverse antipathies; Where truth in person does appear,

In falling out with that or this, Like words congeal'd in northern air.

And finding somewhat still amiss ; He knew what's what, and that's as high

More peevish, cross, and splenetic, As metaphysic wit can fly:

Than dog distract or monkey sick; In school-divinity as able

That with more care kept holiday As he that hight Irrefragable;

The wrong, than others the right way; A second Thomas; or, at once

Compound for sins they are inclined to, To name them all, another Dunce:

By damning those they have no mind to: Profound in all the Nominal

Still so perverse and opposite, And Real ways beyond them all:

As if they worshipp'd God for spite: For he a rope of sand could twist

The self-same thing they will abhor As tough as learned Sarbonist,

One way, and long another for: And weave fine cobwebs, fit for scull

Free-will they one way disavow, That's empty when the moon is full;

Another, nothing else allow : Such as take lodgings in a head

All piety consists therein That's to be let unfurnished.

In them, in other men all sin : He could raise scruples dark and nice,

Rather than fail, they will defy And after solve 'em in a trice;

That which they love most tenderly;

Quarrel with mince pies, and disparage The itch, on purpose to be scratch'd;

Their best and dearest friend, plum porridge ; Or, like a mountebank, did wound,

Fat pig and goose itself oppose, And stab herself with doubts profound,

And blaspheme custard through the nose.

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As if Divinity had catch'd




Which now had almost got the upper-
Th’ apostles of this fierce religion,

Hand of his head for want of crupper :
Like Mahomet's, were ass and widgeon,

To poise this equally, he bore
To whom our knight, by fast instinct

A paunch of the same bulk before,
Of wit and temper, was so linkt,

Which still he had a special care
As if hypocrisy and nonsense

To keep well cramm'd with thrifty fare ;
Had got th' advowson of his conscience.
Thus was he gifted and accouter'd,

As white-pot, butter-milk, and curds,
We mean on th' inside, not the outward:

Such as a country house affords ;
That next of all we shall discuss ;

With other victual, which anon
Then listen, sirs, it follows thus:

We farther shall dilate upon,
His tawny beard was th' equal grace

When of his hose we come to treat,
Both of his wisdom and his face ;

The cupboard where he kept his meat.
In cut and die so like a tile,

His doublet was of sturdy buff,
A sudden view it would beguile;

And though not sword, yet cudgel-proof,
The upper part whereof was whey,

Whereby 'twas fitter for his use,
The nether orange, mix'd with grey.

Who fear'd no blows but such as bruise.
This hairy meteor did denounce

His breeches were of rugged woollen,
The fall of sceptres and of crowns;

And had been at the seige of Bullen ;
With grisly type did represent

To old King Harry so well known,
Declining age of government,

Some writers held they were his own:
And tell, with hieroglyphic spade,

Through they were lined with many a piece
It's own grave and the state's were made:

Of ammunition bread and cheese,
Like Sampson's heart-breakers, it grew

And fat black-puddings, proper food
In time to make a nation rue;

For warriors that delight in blood :
Though it contributed its own fall

For, as we said, he always chose
To wait upon the public downfall;

To carry victual in his hose,
It was monastic, and did grow

That often tempted rats and mice
In holy orders by strict vow;

The ammunition to surprise ;
Of rule as sullen and severe,

And when he put a hand but in
As that of rigid Cordelier:

The one or t’ other magazine,
'Twas bound to suffer persecution,

They stoutly on defence on't stood,
And martyrdom, with resolution;

And from the wounded foe drew blood,
T'oppose itself against the hate

And till they were storm'd and beaten out,
And vengeance of th' incensed state,

Ne'er left the fortify'd redoubt :
In whose defiance it was worn,

And though knights errant, as some think,
Still ready to be pull'd and torn,

Of old did neither eat nor drink,
With red-hot irons to be tortur'd,

Because when thorough deserts vast,
Revil'd, and spit upon, and martyr'd;

And regions desolate, they past,
Maugre all which 'twas to stand fast

Where belly-timber above ground,
As long as monarchy should last :

Or under, was not to be found,
But when the state should hap to reel,

Unless they grazed, there's not one word
'Twas to submit to fatal steel,

Of their provision on record ;
And fall, as it was consecrate,

Which made some confidently write,
A sacrifice to fall of state,

They had no stomachs but to fight.
Whose thread of life the Fatal Sisters

'Tis false; for Arthur wore in hall
Did twist together with its whiskers,

Round table like a farthingal,
And twine so close, that Time should never,

On which, with shirt pull'd out behind,
In life or death, their fortunes sever,

And eke before, his good knights dined;
But with his rusty sickle mow

Though 'twas no table some suppose
Both down together at a blow.

But a huge pair of round trunk hose,
So learned Taliacotius, from

In which he carry'd as much meat

As he and all the knights could eat,
The brawny part of Porter's bum,

When laying by their swords and truncheons,
Cut supplemental noses, which

They took their breakfasts, or their luncheons.
Would last as long as parent breech,

But let that pass at present, lest
But when the date of Nock was out,

We should forget where we digrest,
Off dropt the sympathetic snout.

As learned authors use, to whom
His back, or rather burthen, shew'd

We leave it, and to the purpose come.
As if it stoop'd with its own load:

His puissant sword unto his side,
For as Æneas bore his sire

Near his undaunted heart was ty'd,
With basket hilt that would hold broth,
And served for fight and dinner both;

Upon his shoulders through the fire,
Our knight did bear no less a pack
Of his own buttocks on his back ;

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In it he melted lead for bullets

By laying hold on tail and mane, To shoot at foes, and sometimes pullets,

Which oft' he used instead of rein. To whom he bore so fell a grutch,

But now we talk of mounting steed, He ne'er gave quarter to any such.

Before we further do proceed, The trenchant blade, Toledo trusty,

It doth behove us to say something For want of fighting was grown rusty,

Of that which bore our valiant Bumkin. And ate into itself, for lack

The beast was sturdy, large, and tall, Of somebody to hew and hack:

With mouth of meal, and eyes of wall; The peaceful scabbard, where it dwelt,

I wou'd say eye ; for h' had but one, The rancour of its edge had felt;

As most agree, though some say none. For of the lower end two handful

He was well stay'd, and in his gait It had devour'd,'twas so manful,

Preserv'd a grave, majestic state ; And so much scorn'd to lurk in case,

At spur or switch no more he skipt, As if it durst not shew its face.

Or mended pace, than Spaniard whipt; In many desperate attempts

And yet so fiery, he would bound Of warrants, exigents, contempts,

As if he griev'd to touch the ground; It had appear’d with courage bolder

That Cæsar's horse, who, as fame

goes, Than Serjeant Bam invading shoulder :

Had corns upon his feet and toes, Oft had it ta'en possession,

Was not by half so tender-hooft, And pris’ners too, or made them run.

Nor trod upon the ground so soft ; This sword a dagger had, his page,

And as that beast would kneel and stoop That was but little for his age,

(Some write) to take his rider up; And therefore waited on him so,

So Hudibras his ('tis well known) As dwarfs upon knights errant do:

Would often do to set him down, It was a serviceable dudgeon,

We shall not need to say what lack Either for fighting or for drudging:

Of leather was upon his back ; When it had stabb’d, or broke a head,

For that was hidden under pad, It would scrape trenchers, or chip bread;

And breech of Knight gall’d full as bad: Toast cheese or bacon, though it were

His strutting ribs on both sides shew'd To bait a mouse-trap, 'twould not care;

Like furrows he himself had plough'd; 'Twould make clean shoes, and in the earth

For underneath the skirt of panel, Set leeks and onions, 'and so forth:

"Twixt ev'ry two there was a channel : It had been 'prentice to a brewer,

His draggling tail hung in the dirt, Where this and more it did endure,

Which on his rider he would flirt, But left the trade, as many more

Still as his tender side he prickt, Have lately done on the same score.

With arm'd heel, or with unarm’d, kickt; In th' holsters, at his saddle-bow,

For Hudibras wore but one spur, Two aged pistols he did stow,

As wisely knowing, could he stir Among the surplus of such meat

To active trot one side of 's horse, As in his hose he could not get :

The other would not hang an arse. These would inveigle rats with th' scent,

A squire he had, whose name was Ralph, To forage when the cocks were bent,

That in th' adventure went his half, And sometimes catch 'em with a snap,

Though writers, for more stately tone, As cleverly as the ablest trap :

Do call him Ralpho, 'tis all one ; They were upon hard duty still,

And when we can, with metre safe, And ev'ry night stood centinel,

We'll call him so ; if not, plain Ralph; To guard the magazive i’ th' hose

(For rhyme the rudder is of verses, From two-legg’d and from four-legg'd foes.

With which, like ships, they steer their courses). Thus clad and fortify'd, Sir Knight,

An equal stock of wit and valour From peaceful home, set forth to fight :

He had laid in, by birth a tailor. But first, with nimble active force,

The mighty Tyrian queen, that gain'd, He got on th' outside of his horse !

With subtle shreds, a tract of land, For having but one stirrup ty'd

Did leave it with a castle fair This saddle on the further side,

To his great ancestor, her heir; It was so short h’ had much ado

From him descended cross-legg'd knights, To reach it with his desp'rate toe ;

Famed for their faith and warlike fights But after many strains and heaves,

Against the bloody Cannibal, He got up to the saddle-eaves,

Whom they destroy'd both great and small. From whence he vaulted into th' seat

This sturdy squire he had as well With so much vigour, strength, and heat,

As the bold Trojan Knight, seen hell, That he had almost tumbled over

Not with a counterfeited pass With his own weight, but did recover,

Of golden bough, but true gold lace :

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For as of vagabonds we say,

Tis a dark lantern of the Spirit,


He Anthroposophus and Floud,
His knowledge was not far behind

And Jacob Behmen understood ;
The Knight's, but of another kind,

Knew many an amulet and charm,
And he another way came by 't:
Some call it Gifts, and some New-light;

That would do neither good nor harm;
A lib'ral art, that costs no pains

In Rosycrucian lore as learned,

As he that Verè adeptus earned :
Of study, industry, or brains.
His wit was sent him for a token,

He understood the speech of birds
But in the carriage crack'd and broken ;

As well as they themselves do words !
Like commendation ninepence crookt

Could tell what subtlest parrots mean
With-To and from my love-it lookt.

That speak and think contrary clean :
He ne'er consider'd it, as loth

What member ’tis of whom they talk
To look a gift-horse in the mouth,

When they cry Rope, and Walk, Knave, walk.
And very wisely would lay forth

He'd extract numbers out of matter,
No more upon it than 'twas worth ;

And keep them in a glass, like water,
But as he got it freely, so

Of sov’reign power to make men wise;
He spent it frank and freely too :

For, dropt in blear thick-sighted eyes,
For saints themselves will sometimes be

They'd make them see in darkest night,
Of gifts that cost them nothing, free.

Like owls, though purblind in the light.
By means of this, with hem and cough,

By help of these (as he profest)
Prolongers to enlighten'd stuff,

He had First Matter seen undrest ;
He could deep mysteries unriddle,

He took her naked, all alone,
As easily as thread a needle;

Before one rag of form was on.

The Chaos, too, he had descry'd,
That they are ne'er beside their way,
Whate'er men speak by this new-light,

And seen quite through, or else he ly’d;
Still they are sure to be i' th’ right.

Not that of pasteboard, which men shew

For groats, at fair of Barthol'mew;
Which none see by but those that bear it;

But its great grandsire, first o' th' name,

Whence that and Reformation came,
A light that falls down from on high,
For spiritual trades to cozen by;

Both cousin-germans, and right able
An ignis fatuus, that bewitches,

To inveigle and draw in the rabble;

But Reformation was, some say,
And leads men into pools and ditches,
To make them dip themselves, and sound

O'th' younger house to puppet-play.

He could foretel whats'ever was
To dive, like wild fowl, for salvation,

By consequence to come to pass :
As death of great men, alterations,
Diseases, battles, inundations :

All this without th’ eclipse of th' sun,
The nose of saint, like bagpipe drone,

Or dreadful comet, he hath done
And speaks through hollow empty soul,

By inward light, a way as good,
As through a trunk, or whisp’ring hole,

And easy to be understood :
Such language as no mortal ear

But with more lucky hit than those
But spiritual eaves-droppers can hear;

That use to make the stars depose,
So Phæbus, or some friendly muse,

Like Knights o'th' Post, and falsely charge
Into small poets song infuse,

Upon themselves what others forge;
Which they at second-hand rehearse,

As if they were consenting to
Through reed or bagpipe, verse for verse.

All mischiefs in the world men do;
Thus Ralph became infallible

Or, like the devil, did tempt and sway 'em
As three or four-legg'd oracle,

To rogueries, and then betray 'em.
The ancient cup, or modern chair;

They'll search a planet's house, to know
Spoke truth point blank, though unaware.

Who broke and robb'd a house below; For mystic learning, wondrous able

Examine Venus, and the Moon,

Who stole a thimble or a spoon ;
magic, talisman, and cabal,
Whose primitive tradition reaches

And though they nothing will confess,
As far as Adam's first green
breeches ;

Yet by their very looks can guess,

And tell what guilty aspect bodes,
Deep-sighted in intelligences,

Who stole, and who receiv'd the goods :
Ideas, atoms, influences;

They'll question Mars, and, by his look, And much of Terra Incognita,

Detect who 'twas that nimm'd a cloke ;
Th’ intelligible world could say ;

Make Mercury confess, and 'peach
A deep occult philosopher,

Those thieves which he himself did teach.
As learn'd as the wild Irish are,

They'll find, in th' physiognomies
O'th' plan

all men's destinies:

For Christendom in dirty pond;

And fish to catch regeneration.
This light inspires and plays upon

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Or Sir Agrippa, for profound
And solid lying much renown'd;

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Like him who took the doctor's bill,

THE BATTLE BETWEEN BRUIN AND And swallow'd it instead o'th' pill,

HIS FOES. Cast th’ nativity of th' question,

Ay me! what perils do environ And from positions to be guest on,

The man that meddles with cold iron? As sure as if they knew the moment

What plaguy mischiess and mishaps Of Native's birth, tell what will come on't.

Do dog him still with after-claps ? They'll feel the pulses of the stars,

For though Dame Fortune seem to smile, To find out agues, coughs, catarrhs;

And leer upon him for awhile, And tell what crisis does divine

She'll after shew him, in the nick The rot in sheep, or mange in swine ;

Of all his glories, a dog-trick. In men, what gives or cures the itch,

This any man may sing or say What makes them cuckolds, poor or rich;

l'th' ditty call’d, What if a Day? What gains or loses, hangs or saves !

For Hudibras, who thought he'd won What makes men great, what fools or knaves,

The field, as certain as a gun, But not what wise, for only of those

And having routed the whole troop, The stars (they say) cannot dispose,

With victory was cock-a-hoop, No more than can the astrologians :

Thinking he'd done enough to purchase There they say right, and like true Trojans.

Thanksgiving-day among the Churches, This Ralpho knew, and therefore took

Wherein his mettle and brave worth The other course, of which we spoke.

Might be explain’d by holder-forth, Thus was th' accomplish'd Squire endued

And register'd by fame eternal, With gifts and knowledge per'lous shrewd :

In deathless pages of Diurnal, Never did trusty squire with knight,

Found in few minutes, to his cost, Or knight with squire, e'er jump more right.

He did but count without his host, Their arms and equipage did fit,

And that a turnstile is more certain As well as virtues, parts, and wit:

Than, in events of war, Dame Fortune. Their valours, too, were of a rate ;

For now the late faint-hearted rout, And out they sally'd at the gate.

O’erthrown and scatter'd round about, Few miles on horseback had they jogged,

Chas'd by the horror of their fear, But Fortune unto them turn'd dogged ;

From bloody fray of Knight and Bear, For they a sad adventure met,

(All but the Dogs, who in pursuit Of which anon we mean to treat :

Of the Knight's victory stood to't, But e'er we venture to unfold

And most ignobly fought to get Achievements so resolv'd and bold,

The honour of his blood and sweat) We should, as learned poets use,

Seeing the coast was free and clear Invoke th' assistance of some Muse,

O'the conquer'd and the conqueror, However critics count it sillier

Took heart again, and fac'd about, Than jugglers talking t'a familiar ;

As if they meant to stand it out: We think 'tis no great matter which,

For by this time the routed Bear, They're all alike, yet we shall pitch

Attack'd by th' enemy i' th' rear, On one that fits our purpose most,

Finding their number grew too great Whom, therefore, thus do we accost :

For him to make a safe retreat, Thou that with ale, or viler liquors,

Like a bold chieftain fac'd about ; Didst inspire Withers, Pryn, and Vickers,

Bat wisely doubting to hold out, And force them, though it was in spite

Gave way to fortune, and with haste Of Nature, and their stars, to write ;

Fac'd the proud foe, and fled, and fac'd, Who (as we find in sullen writs,

Retiring still, until he found And cross-grain’d works of modern wits)

He 'ad got the advantage of the ground, With vanity, opinion, want,

And then as valiantly made head The wonder of the ignorant,

To check the foe, and forthwith fled, The praises of the author, penn'd

Leaving no art untry'd, nor trick B' himself, or wit-insuring friend;

Of warrior stout and politic, The itch of picture in the front,

Until, in spite of hot pursuit, With bays and equal rhyme upon 't,

He gain’d a pass, to hold dispute All that is left o'th' Forked Hill

On better terms, and stop the course To make men scribble without skill ;

Of the proud foe. With all his force Canst make a poet, spite of Fate,

He bravely charg'd, and for awhile And teach all people to translate,

Forc'd their whole body to recoil; Though out of languages in which

But still their numbers so increas'd, They understand no part of speech ;

He found himself at length oppress'd, Assist me but this once, I 'mplore,

And all evasions so uncertain, And I shall trouble thee no more.

To save himself for better fortune,

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